We have had beautiful weather in Berlin for most of September (and over the past year overall, compared to my past 12 years here). Before meetings in the evening and an evening event, I sat in a park in my t-shirt and without socks, and worked from there. It felt great!
Today, I am working from home, because my eldest daughter is ill. She has been in bed reading Harry Potter (4) the entire day, so I have worked consistently without interruption. Well, we had a small interruption, because we decided to make some chocolate truffles, from her school cooking class recipe booklet. I don't think I've ever made chocolate truffles before. It was fun!
Working freelance has its downsides, but it sure does have benefits as well. I can power away for 9 hours, plus evenings if I choose (once the kids are in bed). But I can also take a walk, go and run at the gym for an hour, run some errands, read a newspaper, or take a breather and play some piano (now that I am taking lessons again, I'm motivated!). In other words, I can sprint (the way I like working), and alternate with breathers.
My office experiences over the past ten years have been different. There's an occasional sprint here or there, but most of the time, it has been an attempt to pace work over a period of time that is too long. I simply don't take 9 hours straight to get my daily work done - because I love working super fast.
And - this is probably my own fault - I'm not able to take breathers at the office. Especially in a shared office, opening the newspaper (which in my case I find essential for my work as a lobbyist and having to small talk about a lot of current politics in various settings!) makes me feel like I'm a slacker. Or taking a walk - or even two or three - a day. Surprisingly, there hasn't been a piano anywhere nearby. Nor my washing machine to run a load in between…
Increasingly, I'm starting to believe that working outside of an office is ideal. I can still have meetings - I simply have to jump on my bike or take the subway, and more than enough people are dying to get out of their own offices, and like meeting at a cafe or over lunch. I can participate in all calls. And I can have a social life, meeting contacts for coffees and lunches, and an occasional friend beyond work settings over lunch.
If I ever do return to an office setting, which is possible - perhaps even likely, I hope that I can transport some of this feeling of freedom, of "this actually is necessary to my work" back in. Instead of feeling caged in.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Resolving Conflicts without Violence (or ARGH)
I finally finished Rosenberg's book on resolving conflicts without violence last night. I'm glad I did, and I'm glad I read it. Somewhere around the first third I struggled, when concepts such as "cosmic energy" popped up in every sentence (I'm not a 'cosmic energy'-kind of person).
As I mentioned in my last post, I have lots of "argh" moments at work, and I felt like these were becoming so systematic and repetitive that I was not only boring my friends to death, but also myself. So what better at this age (mid-30s) than to read some 'how to change your life'-books?
Rosenberg has worked all around the globe, from inner-city problem schools in Chicago to therapy groups for sexual abuse to the Israeli-Palestine conflict. And most interestingly, he's a parent, so he also discusses "conflicts" with children. Here are a few things I learned, or that were reconfirmed but I found valuable:
1) It's not all about you - but on the other hand it is. There are many interests and feelings in the world, and it's good to be aware that those interests and feelings at times conflict. Being successful at work may mean that someone else feels threatened, and a conflict results. New to me was the piece of advice to focus back on yourself, instead of ending up lost in strategic games and 'everyone has complex interests, and there's no solution'. Rosenberg's key message is to communicate. Not only try to figure out why someone is acting the way they are (they rarely do things because they are EVIL!), but express what this means for you. Your kids are wrecking havoc jumping on the sofa and screaming, and you feel like your head will burst? Maybe they need to get out and move? But maybe you can't go out right then, so you can explain why their action needs to change - because it's negatively impacting you (head hurts from noise!). Construct an indoor trampoline, somewhere behind a door you can close or wear earphones and listen to music? Your boss wants crazily long, daily reports? You don't have any time to do any work you like anymore? Communicate. Try to find out why the boss wants so many reports, and explain why this is negatively impacting your motivation and happiness at work. Try to find a solution how your boss' need to receive sufficient information and your own time can become aligned in a better way. Have lunch once a week?
2) Trust people - also kids. And treat every person with as much respect as you would if you'd meet Gandhi - or whomever you admire - most. Be an example of how you want your kids to talk to you, and to others. (Battling with this one!)
3) Learn to live with 'guilt'. There are so many things to change in the world. Try to change them (don't just meditate!). But also allow yourself to be happy of the lucky life you live (not in poverty, without need). See it as a resource that will make you stronger to tackle the changes you want to make. Don't use them as an excuse not to make those changes, though…find a balance.
4) Don't do things in the long run that you hate doing. If it means quitting a job, quit your job. There are no "musts" in life.
As you can tell, all a bit cosmic and incredibly difficult to implement in practice. It involves changing the way you talk, the way you use words, the speed at which you listen and provide advice. But perhaps something will stick. (I of course spend the morning shouting because I had slept little, two of three kids were being quite bratty and being really uncooperative with getting dressed for school, hah! And I have to think back to a book I read around a year ago, which had the message that you should accept and embrace your anger….)
(On a parallel, I also just finished Vargas Llosa's The Way to Paradise the evening before, which I'm again glad I finished and read, although somewhere around the middle I could have declared it the worst book ever, among the category of Nobel-prize winners, that is. Conclusion for both books: endurance and persistence sometimes helps and makes the trip and temporary struggles worthwhile, at least when it comes to books.)
As I mentioned in my last post, I have lots of "argh" moments at work, and I felt like these were becoming so systematic and repetitive that I was not only boring my friends to death, but also myself. So what better at this age (mid-30s) than to read some 'how to change your life'-books?
Rosenberg has worked all around the globe, from inner-city problem schools in Chicago to therapy groups for sexual abuse to the Israeli-Palestine conflict. And most interestingly, he's a parent, so he also discusses "conflicts" with children. Here are a few things I learned, or that were reconfirmed but I found valuable:
1) It's not all about you - but on the other hand it is. There are many interests and feelings in the world, and it's good to be aware that those interests and feelings at times conflict. Being successful at work may mean that someone else feels threatened, and a conflict results. New to me was the piece of advice to focus back on yourself, instead of ending up lost in strategic games and 'everyone has complex interests, and there's no solution'. Rosenberg's key message is to communicate. Not only try to figure out why someone is acting the way they are (they rarely do things because they are EVIL!), but express what this means for you. Your kids are wrecking havoc jumping on the sofa and screaming, and you feel like your head will burst? Maybe they need to get out and move? But maybe you can't go out right then, so you can explain why their action needs to change - because it's negatively impacting you (head hurts from noise!). Construct an indoor trampoline, somewhere behind a door you can close or wear earphones and listen to music? Your boss wants crazily long, daily reports? You don't have any time to do any work you like anymore? Communicate. Try to find out why the boss wants so many reports, and explain why this is negatively impacting your motivation and happiness at work. Try to find a solution how your boss' need to receive sufficient information and your own time can become aligned in a better way. Have lunch once a week?
2) Trust people - also kids. And treat every person with as much respect as you would if you'd meet Gandhi - or whomever you admire - most. Be an example of how you want your kids to talk to you, and to others. (Battling with this one!)
3) Learn to live with 'guilt'. There are so many things to change in the world. Try to change them (don't just meditate!). But also allow yourself to be happy of the lucky life you live (not in poverty, without need). See it as a resource that will make you stronger to tackle the changes you want to make. Don't use them as an excuse not to make those changes, though…find a balance.
4) Don't do things in the long run that you hate doing. If it means quitting a job, quit your job. There are no "musts" in life.
As you can tell, all a bit cosmic and incredibly difficult to implement in practice. It involves changing the way you talk, the way you use words, the speed at which you listen and provide advice. But perhaps something will stick. (I of course spend the morning shouting because I had slept little, two of three kids were being quite bratty and being really uncooperative with getting dressed for school, hah! And I have to think back to a book I read around a year ago, which had the message that you should accept and embrace your anger….)
(On a parallel, I also just finished Vargas Llosa's The Way to Paradise the evening before, which I'm again glad I finished and read, although somewhere around the middle I could have declared it the worst book ever, among the category of Nobel-prize winners, that is. Conclusion for both books: endurance and persistence sometimes helps and makes the trip and temporary struggles worthwhile, at least when it comes to books.)
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Managing Conflicts at Work
Any more regular reader of this blog knows that I have frequent "argh" moments with colleagues at work. I like cooperation, not competition, but sometimes the latter can't be avoided, in particular in pyramid-shaped hierarchies where the air gets thinner when you try to stand up (for your work, for your rights, or because you want to start making decisions and take more responsibility one day).
I was advised to read a book by Marshall Rosenberg on the topic of conflict management - I'll let you know what I think. I often think that I already think too much about conflicts, over-analyze them, and let them become overwhelming in all parts of my life - but I'll give it a try to think about it again.
Another tip I got was: avoid conflicts - simply don't join a hierarchical organization again. This is something I've been thinking about for quite a while now, when conflicts in organizations tend to be inherent in my case, and I'm much happier with my work and life when I can work freelance. So perhaps this is the solution: Managing Work without Conflicts? Instead of Managing Conflicts at Work?
A bit too simple, but sometimes it's good to get down to some basics, instead of living in this hyper-complex strategic work world of ours….
I was advised to read a book by Marshall Rosenberg on the topic of conflict management - I'll let you know what I think. I often think that I already think too much about conflicts, over-analyze them, and let them become overwhelming in all parts of my life - but I'll give it a try to think about it again.
Another tip I got was: avoid conflicts - simply don't join a hierarchical organization again. This is something I've been thinking about for quite a while now, when conflicts in organizations tend to be inherent in my case, and I'm much happier with my work and life when I can work freelance. So perhaps this is the solution: Managing Work without Conflicts? Instead of Managing Conflicts at Work?
A bit too simple, but sometimes it's good to get down to some basics, instead of living in this hyper-complex strategic work world of ours….
Monday, August 25, 2014
Between Life-Saving Vaccinations and Sanity-Increasing Work-Life-Balance
I can confirm my mother's standard question "no news, good news?" It has been a brilliant summer, and a very good past couple of months. I have poured most of my blog output into my project on combining careers and children - hence less ramblings on this site. A quick recap on where I stand:
After quitting my full-time office job at the end of 2013, I won a fellowship for a year to work on a project of my own choice. I had applied with a project proposal on making career and family more compatible. The project kicked off in June, and will run until June 2015. The months before, I continued to work in my own field (health for developing countries, known as global health) on a freelance, part-time basis. I recently picked this up again, and started working on another global health project on a part-time basis, to promote life-saving vaccinations for all children in poor countries.
It has been an incredibly fulfilling few months. I have managed to juggle my projects at a pace that suits my life - at times at a crazy pace, putting in 14-16 hour days. At times at a zero-pace, when I have needed to focus fully on having a day as a breather, spending some vacation quality time offline and off-work with the family, and spending quality time with friends and family who came over to Berlin to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary with us (blessed us!). In other words, I have managed to multi-task and juggle my life in a way that I enjoy it. There has been enough time to do everything that I like - including dance classes and my newest: picking up on piano lessons - WHEN I need it.
Do I regret quitting my office job? Not for one second. The more I think about it, the more this model of freelancing suits my life - and perhaps every working parent's life? It only works on two premises though: 1) either you are a risk-taker, or have a partner who has a stable income - because you never know what will follow the end of a project, and 2) you need to be far enough in your career - or determined enough - to get that next project.
Here are 5 reasons why I think having flexible job is better than having a permanent contract (with long office and presence requirements):
1) 9-5 jobs allow for very little flexibility. And if there's one thing that you need with kids: it's flexibility. For sicknesses, for those horror nights when all are throwing up and you just need to sleep the next day for a couple of hours, for all the errands you need to - or want to - keep running, for all these random vacations they get from daycare and school.
2) With a flexible job, you can schedule "own time" (sports, rest, reading a newspaper, meeting a friend for coffee) during the day - and work from a computer at home in the evening instead when the kids are in bed (reminder: I have a commuting husband with unreliable travel days - difficult to schedule anything properly in the evenings unless I want to bleed babysitting money; and most evening courses etc fall exactly into the time when the kids are still awake…)
3) It doesn't feel like a dead-end. No internal politics!!!! Whoop whoop!
4) It doesn't feel like a dead-end 2. No next promotion, no pay-rises to negotiate. No hierarchy games.
5) In theory, there are breaks between contracts if that's what you want, and are willing to take the risk when saying "no" if e.g. a project high time falls into the months of July/August. There's actual, real vacation….
Happy end of summer - enjoy the last rays of sun and warmth! We'll need it for the upcoming months.
After quitting my full-time office job at the end of 2013, I won a fellowship for a year to work on a project of my own choice. I had applied with a project proposal on making career and family more compatible. The project kicked off in June, and will run until June 2015. The months before, I continued to work in my own field (health for developing countries, known as global health) on a freelance, part-time basis. I recently picked this up again, and started working on another global health project on a part-time basis, to promote life-saving vaccinations for all children in poor countries.
It has been an incredibly fulfilling few months. I have managed to juggle my projects at a pace that suits my life - at times at a crazy pace, putting in 14-16 hour days. At times at a zero-pace, when I have needed to focus fully on having a day as a breather, spending some vacation quality time offline and off-work with the family, and spending quality time with friends and family who came over to Berlin to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary with us (blessed us!). In other words, I have managed to multi-task and juggle my life in a way that I enjoy it. There has been enough time to do everything that I like - including dance classes and my newest: picking up on piano lessons - WHEN I need it.
Do I regret quitting my office job? Not for one second. The more I think about it, the more this model of freelancing suits my life - and perhaps every working parent's life? It only works on two premises though: 1) either you are a risk-taker, or have a partner who has a stable income - because you never know what will follow the end of a project, and 2) you need to be far enough in your career - or determined enough - to get that next project.
Here are 5 reasons why I think having flexible job is better than having a permanent contract (with long office and presence requirements):
1) 9-5 jobs allow for very little flexibility. And if there's one thing that you need with kids: it's flexibility. For sicknesses, for those horror nights when all are throwing up and you just need to sleep the next day for a couple of hours, for all the errands you need to - or want to - keep running, for all these random vacations they get from daycare and school.
2) With a flexible job, you can schedule "own time" (sports, rest, reading a newspaper, meeting a friend for coffee) during the day - and work from a computer at home in the evening instead when the kids are in bed (reminder: I have a commuting husband with unreliable travel days - difficult to schedule anything properly in the evenings unless I want to bleed babysitting money; and most evening courses etc fall exactly into the time when the kids are still awake…)
3) It doesn't feel like a dead-end. No internal politics!!!! Whoop whoop!
4) It doesn't feel like a dead-end 2. No next promotion, no pay-rises to negotiate. No hierarchy games.
5) In theory, there are breaks between contracts if that's what you want, and are willing to take the risk when saying "no" if e.g. a project high time falls into the months of July/August. There's actual, real vacation….
Happy end of summer - enjoy the last rays of sun and warmth! We'll need it for the upcoming months.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Half a Life
Today, 17 years ago, I met the man whom I am married to, and who is father to my three lovely (and at times little monster) kids. We have been engaged for exactly 12 years to the day, and are celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary this year. Being 34, we have known each other for exactly half a life.
If our life were a movie, it would be Before Sunrise, and its two sequels. I'm not quite Julie Delpy and he's not quite Ethan Hawke, but the story is similar. I wonder whether there will be a Part IV, and whether it will reflect our life in the same way. At least Julie and Ethan Hawke have aged very well, and continue to have witty conversations - and are still together, in the movie that is.
I talked to a friend on the phone today. She means a lot to me, and I've always felt that we connect on many levels. And such relationships always remind me how far back I go with many of my friends. Way beyond half a life, in some cases 10/11ths of a life. That's nearly all my life.
(Half a Life also reminds me of a VS Naipaul book with the same title. I remember liking it, but as with many books, have absolutely no idea what it was about anymore. Thankfully I save the best for a second reading - perhaps when I'm twice the age I am now, or for my friends or children.
Tomorrow we're at half a year, so Happy Midsummer everyone! Enjoy the longest day of the year in our hemisphere.
If our life were a movie, it would be Before Sunrise, and its two sequels. I'm not quite Julie Delpy and he's not quite Ethan Hawke, but the story is similar. I wonder whether there will be a Part IV, and whether it will reflect our life in the same way. At least Julie and Ethan Hawke have aged very well, and continue to have witty conversations - and are still together, in the movie that is.
I talked to a friend on the phone today. She means a lot to me, and I've always felt that we connect on many levels. And such relationships always remind me how far back I go with many of my friends. Way beyond half a life, in some cases 10/11ths of a life. That's nearly all my life.
(Half a Life also reminds me of a VS Naipaul book with the same title. I remember liking it, but as with many books, have absolutely no idea what it was about anymore. Thankfully I save the best for a second reading - perhaps when I'm twice the age I am now, or for my friends or children.
Tomorrow we're at half a year, so Happy Midsummer everyone! Enjoy the longest day of the year in our hemisphere.
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