Lean In - Is it worth it?

Anyone who has read Sanberg's book, let me know how it is!
Is working worth it? Yes, yes, yes. So far, that is.
My friends here are worried about my long hours (for German standards). It came as a bit of a surprise, but it's working well so far, and the kids are dealing well with it - we all are, and I AM.
My career coach commented to my update to her: all well and good, but don't forget that one criteria you set is not met with this job: decent pay (in particular in relation to hours).
But is it worth it to get this boost in self worth, in learning, in meeting new people, in hooefully doing something useful - with my time, skills and wishes?
I'll share some big news next week. No, I did not get a payrise. No, I am so definitely not expecting our fourth child (yet at least...).

Going to Work - Staying at Home - Going to Work...

A wonderful friend of mine with two small children just decided to extend her leave from work for a while longer. She did a short stint back at the office, which worked well, but as she's moving continents twice with the family in the next months, staying at home makes complete sense to me. And although she's an absolutely wonderful mom, she manages what I never did at home: remain really active in life. I somehow felt trapped, restricted, bored. I felt that there was too much routine, too many housewifely burdens, far too little contact with adults, and worst of all: too much time to focus on random, tiny issues.

Who knows how long I will last in this job, or how long my family situation will allow me to. But I do know one thing: I need to keep working somewhere. Or on something. I am not good at being my own boss, having too much time on my hands, and being creative about using my freedom. I can only create quality time - with myself, my kids, people, when it's limited.

Es ist besser so, wie es jetzt ist. But just because this applies to me, it doesn't mean it is the right thing for other people. I wish I could be more content with whatever comes. I still have a long way to go, but thankfully have wonderful friends who teach me so much.

Week Two at Work

Week 1 hurdle of a working mom: youngest is ill for 4 working days with fever.
Week 2 hurdle of a working mom: it's snowing. I don't drive, public transportation would take forever. I bike.
Week 3: as a friend of mine likes saying - and some of you will know who this is - Bring it on!

Brussels - Berlin

I've added myself to a thousand mailing lists for work in order to get a bit of an idea of this international health community in Europe. I received the same invitation for the same event with the head of the Global Fund - but at a different time in two different cities (Brussels and Berlin). The Brussels invitation list had around 150 NGOs. The Berlin one had 7. Sometimes, it's nice to live in this little village called Berlin. I just had the chance to meet, sit at the table with, and talk to one of the most inspiring people in my field. Grateful.

Honeymoon

I say this with every job, but ah, is this lovely! There's so much to learn and read, many new (and old lost) people to meet. Tomorrow I'm meeting the head of the Global Fund, and on Wednesday I'm going to the parliament. With age - and with kids even more so, one learns to enjoy things while they are happening - we know that everything comes to an end, that everything is a phase. Honeymoons don't last forever, but if one is lucky, and has found the love of one's life, it's lovely nonetheless. There's always hope.

Work and Status

It's a strange thing, being back in a permanent job. The strangest part is how some people treat me differently. I don't think it's just that I radiate some more positive and confident aura, but for the simple fact that I may suddenly be useful in some people's view - whereas as a mom or temporary consultant I was not.

I've written about networks before, and that I value these. For me, it's not about someone's position or employment status, but about knowing people personally (and not just via email etc). No matter whether a student, intern or vice president, I'll keep people in my mind and contact lists if they were helpful - and most importantly - friendly. I like mentoring younger people, helping out colleagues - and more than anything appreciate such help that I have received myself in the past years.

But other people treat networks differently. There's an "active" network, which they use when people are in useful positions. And when not, well, then why bother even responding to emails etc. And suddenly, when the person is back in a useful position, it's all "oh hello, long time, was meaning to catch up...". I've experienced a few of these in the past week.

I'm happy to (re-)include them in my professional network. But they sure don't qualify for that more important network: friends.

Working Mom and Lots of Cupcakes

So, I'm back in the world of full-time work (and part-time parenting), and it feels good. My neck aches from sitting all day long, and I have the most horrid headache from my coffee fast (38 days to go, ouch!), but I'm happy.

Family-wise, it's been a horror week, as my youngest was healthy for one (!) full day before getting fever again (no, I don't think it's psychosomatic because I started work, he's really happy and loves our babysitter - plus I don't think he could have realized I was "working" after just one day). My husband has been more than a treasure, and has covered the days, cancelled a two-day business trip (and worked nights!) - just so that I can work (at least for my first week). Our babysitter will cover tomorrow, but if this is the way to go: whoa. Well, it's then not the way to go, because we simply can't afford a 1-on-1 babysitter for full days.

Work has been - and this is what I say during my honeymoon period each time - brilliant. I know to enjoy it while it lasts, when internal politics is still a blur, when everyone tries to be pretty nice, when you happily still cooperate before you realize that there's nothing coming in return, before the learning curve dips and things get less interesting, and....the cynic in me has to stop! So here's the positive side: I've had a great introduction, lots of meetings to get to know people, time to get to speed. And three rounds of cupcakes already: one by me, one by my team for me, and one by a rockstar.

Before the Big Day

Tomorrow I start with my new job, and putting together all the tax and other bureaucratic papers I need to supply for my German contract, I am gritting my teeth about working outside of the "international organization system", where things like taxes do not exist. I'm trying to feel less bogged down by the paper work, and made some muffins to take with for my new colleagues. And myself.

I remember going to my first office job after graduating from university 12 years ago. I worked at a research institute that was at the time located far outside of the city, and no-one had told me that there would be no opportunity to buy food anywhere, or that I should take a packed lunch and water with. What a miserable long day that was.

Now I'll be working in the centre of Berlin. In six months - if I make it that far... - in the centre of Brussels. At least I can grab a sandwich and coffee somewhere close by. My colleagues are young and motivated, and hopefully we fit together. I'm incredibly excited about the subject matter I'm working in (international health policy and development). I think there's a lot of reason to be optimistic.

On the downside, my youngest had the flu last week. He's back on his feet, thankfully, but my second daughter fell ill over the weekend. My eldest was complaining about feeling unwell just before going to bed. Yes, Mr. Murphy, thank you for reminding me that you're there, omnipresent! Rub it in.

Babysitter Brings More than Cake

I'm pretty happy with the babysitter we have found for our three kids for the afternoons. As with any person, she has her strengths and weaknesses. Being older (60) and experienced, she is a pro with caring for and getting to know the kids. They already like her a lot. She is a friendly, intelligent woman. She brings the kids books to read from the library, and has an unlimited supply of bubble soap. She brought cake for the birthday of our youngest - no, two cakes.

There are a few "buts", but I will have to live with some of these buts. However, one of these is causing me a headache, literally. Our babysitter has a cat at home, and my eldest and myself have started having allergy symptoms at home. I've had minor breathing problems a few times in the past week. And suddenly, I realize why. I'm extremely allergic to cat hair.

You can't have it all, right? Wheeze wheeze.

Routines and Change - Good and Evil?

I am the type of person who needs everything to be in good order, and life to be full of routines. I don't always enjoy it, but I usually wake up and go to sleep at the same time, eat pretty much the same things each day, have had the same good friends for decades... Of course some things change, and with different phases in life, have had to change. Sometimes such "forced" change is good: seeing new things, meeting new people, learning about new issues is enriching, and keeps one's eyes open to what is out there in the world. But the unknown is also sometimes scary. And with our forthcoming move, there are many unknown factors - and I as a order-freak find this threatening. Once it all happens, it will all be ok, but right now, I wish everything would already be in place. I wish I could answer the question: Is it all going to be worth it? with a definite yes. I am spiralling into silly stress in my tired moments, such as last night worrying whether our rented home will have a decent fridge (of all things?!) and whether I can live without German bread (serious issue here!). Luxury problems galore, in other words. I.e. time to start working on Monday on global health and development in the poorest parts of Africa, and put some perspective into this situation....

German Family Policy - Again and Again

I will probably stop writing about this topic very soon - in a couple of months when we move away from Germany. But until then, it doesn't stop amazing me and making my blood boil. It is honestly one reason that motivated me in my decision to move. Today's newspaper (SZ) had an editorial that nailed the issue: Germany's family policy is a miserable failure. Maybe this is true for many other countries as well, and I am certain that what I am speaking of are luxury problems compared to the majority of countries (and women) in the world. But the line that "suddenly men's wages skyrocket and at the same time, once women have their first child, their wages become a miserable joke in comparison" rings so true. In comparison, the Economist this week has a special on the "Nordic Supermodel", which includes "equality". If I wrote a post called "Sew Your Own Damned Button On" right when I started blogging, it's soon time to follow up with the "Sew Half of the Kids' Damned Buttons On". Rocky times ahead...

Two Years of Love and Wet Kisses

Our birthday-boy-to-be is lying in my bed with fever. I have decorated the birthday table, and our "Oma" babysitter was an angel and baked two cakes for us for tomorrow. Symbolic for the past year with its many illnesses, tomorrow is also a day to be as grateful as one can possibly be. We have the most wonderful two-year old in our family, who brings us so much joy daily. He has loving parents, and two caring and lovely older sisters. Our boy makes us laugh and sing during our meals. He is generous with very wet kisses for his family, and knows so many wonderful people - family and friends, big and small. He is full of surprises, today nearly making me fall off my chair when I was countimg our usual "one, two, three", and he out of the blue added "four". Weare so blessed to have this child here, with us. I wish every child would be blessed with the opportunities he has: security, healthcare, love, nutrition, education....

Flu Wave - One Down

Compared to my splatter stories from our stomach flu wave a few months back, this current flu wave is less messy, but is hitting Berlin hard. I had to pick up my youngest early today, because he got high fever. There was one (!) child left in his group (and she had alread been ill). Thank heavens for our "Oma" (granny) afternoon caretaker, who picked up the girls, entertained them, cooked their dinner - so that I could care for our sick one. And who did an extra hour with the girls in the evening, so that I could go to physiotherapy and my husband could stay at the sickbed. I am so grateful. Physio was an interesting experience, as a very nice-looking, very very young man explained to me the arts of getting back into shape after giving birth, and gave me a lower back massage....

Kids - Adults Ratio

For three small kids, having two adults around makes life a lot easier. One adult can easily handle two kids: three is a bit of a stretch, especially if one tries to run household chores (cooking etc) at the same time. Especially when the kids get older and start having hobbies / visiting friends, having two sets of feet to pick kids up is a huge help. Where we live in Berlin, literally across from our kindergarden and school, and with friends nearby, I have managed fairly well on my own with this juggle (albeit exhausted). I'm terrified of what happens once we move, when we cannot live within 50 meters from our school, and where there is no late-afternoon coverage for our youngest. And we both work full time. How. On. Earth. Will. We. Organize. This? Sleepless nights galore.

Sexism - in Politics

I was discussing the upcoming Australian election (set for September) with an Australian friend of mine, and she sent me a great video-link afterwards. Julia Gillard, Australia's current Prime Minister, talks about sexist comments made by the opposition leader, and her soon-to-be contestant, Abbot. I have to admit that I don't follow Australian politics other than what is on the pages of the Economist, but this is worth a watch (the first five minutes will give you the idea):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihd7ofrwQX0

Sexism is on the German political radar at the moment as well, as a liberal, elderly, male minister had made comments about a journalist in an interview with her that "she would fill a Dirndl well" (a Dirndl is a traditional German dress that highlights and pushes up your cleavage). There's a lot of media hype on this, but unfortunately ranging from the bland to the lousy - everyone in politics is simply waiting for the noise to calm down and move on.

Sexism was also the theme of a TV series that I've gotten hooked to: Danish "Borgen". We got the first series as a present on DVD, and after a friend of mine was raving about it, I took a look. It's about politics (and a Female Prime Minister) and media, and highlights, among other, gender issues such as the image of high-level women, and balancing work and family as a woman.