We have had beautiful weather in Berlin for most of September (and over the past year overall, compared to my past 12 years here). Before meetings in the evening and an evening event, I sat in a park in my t-shirt and without socks, and worked from there. It felt great!
Today, I am working from home, because my eldest daughter is ill. She has been in bed reading Harry Potter (4) the entire day, so I have worked consistently without interruption. Well, we had a small interruption, because we decided to make some chocolate truffles, from her school cooking class recipe booklet. I don't think I've ever made chocolate truffles before. It was fun!
Working freelance has its downsides, but it sure does have benefits as well. I can power away for 9 hours, plus evenings if I choose (once the kids are in bed). But I can also take a walk, go and run at the gym for an hour, run some errands, read a newspaper, or take a breather and play some piano (now that I am taking lessons again, I'm motivated!). In other words, I can sprint (the way I like working), and alternate with breathers.
My office experiences over the past ten years have been different. There's an occasional sprint here or there, but most of the time, it has been an attempt to pace work over a period of time that is too long. I simply don't take 9 hours straight to get my daily work done - because I love working super fast.
And - this is probably my own fault - I'm not able to take breathers at the office. Especially in a shared office, opening the newspaper (which in my case I find essential for my work as a lobbyist and having to small talk about a lot of current politics in various settings!) makes me feel like I'm a slacker. Or taking a walk - or even two or three - a day. Surprisingly, there hasn't been a piano anywhere nearby. Nor my washing machine to run a load in between…
Increasingly, I'm starting to believe that working outside of an office is ideal. I can still have meetings - I simply have to jump on my bike or take the subway, and more than enough people are dying to get out of their own offices, and like meeting at a cafe or over lunch. I can participate in all calls. And I can have a social life, meeting contacts for coffees and lunches, and an occasional friend beyond work settings over lunch.
If I ever do return to an office setting, which is possible - perhaps even likely, I hope that I can transport some of this feeling of freedom, of "this actually is necessary to my work" back in. Instead of feeling caged in.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Resolving Conflicts without Violence (or ARGH)
I finally finished Rosenberg's book on resolving conflicts without violence last night. I'm glad I did, and I'm glad I read it. Somewhere around the first third I struggled, when concepts such as "cosmic energy" popped up in every sentence (I'm not a 'cosmic energy'-kind of person).
As I mentioned in my last post, I have lots of "argh" moments at work, and I felt like these were becoming so systematic and repetitive that I was not only boring my friends to death, but also myself. So what better at this age (mid-30s) than to read some 'how to change your life'-books?
Rosenberg has worked all around the globe, from inner-city problem schools in Chicago to therapy groups for sexual abuse to the Israeli-Palestine conflict. And most interestingly, he's a parent, so he also discusses "conflicts" with children. Here are a few things I learned, or that were reconfirmed but I found valuable:
1) It's not all about you - but on the other hand it is. There are many interests and feelings in the world, and it's good to be aware that those interests and feelings at times conflict. Being successful at work may mean that someone else feels threatened, and a conflict results. New to me was the piece of advice to focus back on yourself, instead of ending up lost in strategic games and 'everyone has complex interests, and there's no solution'. Rosenberg's key message is to communicate. Not only try to figure out why someone is acting the way they are (they rarely do things because they are EVIL!), but express what this means for you. Your kids are wrecking havoc jumping on the sofa and screaming, and you feel like your head will burst? Maybe they need to get out and move? But maybe you can't go out right then, so you can explain why their action needs to change - because it's negatively impacting you (head hurts from noise!). Construct an indoor trampoline, somewhere behind a door you can close or wear earphones and listen to music? Your boss wants crazily long, daily reports? You don't have any time to do any work you like anymore? Communicate. Try to find out why the boss wants so many reports, and explain why this is negatively impacting your motivation and happiness at work. Try to find a solution how your boss' need to receive sufficient information and your own time can become aligned in a better way. Have lunch once a week?
2) Trust people - also kids. And treat every person with as much respect as you would if you'd meet Gandhi - or whomever you admire - most. Be an example of how you want your kids to talk to you, and to others. (Battling with this one!)
3) Learn to live with 'guilt'. There are so many things to change in the world. Try to change them (don't just meditate!). But also allow yourself to be happy of the lucky life you live (not in poverty, without need). See it as a resource that will make you stronger to tackle the changes you want to make. Don't use them as an excuse not to make those changes, though…find a balance.
4) Don't do things in the long run that you hate doing. If it means quitting a job, quit your job. There are no "musts" in life.
As you can tell, all a bit cosmic and incredibly difficult to implement in practice. It involves changing the way you talk, the way you use words, the speed at which you listen and provide advice. But perhaps something will stick. (I of course spend the morning shouting because I had slept little, two of three kids were being quite bratty and being really uncooperative with getting dressed for school, hah! And I have to think back to a book I read around a year ago, which had the message that you should accept and embrace your anger….)
(On a parallel, I also just finished Vargas Llosa's The Way to Paradise the evening before, which I'm again glad I finished and read, although somewhere around the middle I could have declared it the worst book ever, among the category of Nobel-prize winners, that is. Conclusion for both books: endurance and persistence sometimes helps and makes the trip and temporary struggles worthwhile, at least when it comes to books.)
As I mentioned in my last post, I have lots of "argh" moments at work, and I felt like these were becoming so systematic and repetitive that I was not only boring my friends to death, but also myself. So what better at this age (mid-30s) than to read some 'how to change your life'-books?
Rosenberg has worked all around the globe, from inner-city problem schools in Chicago to therapy groups for sexual abuse to the Israeli-Palestine conflict. And most interestingly, he's a parent, so he also discusses "conflicts" with children. Here are a few things I learned, or that were reconfirmed but I found valuable:
1) It's not all about you - but on the other hand it is. There are many interests and feelings in the world, and it's good to be aware that those interests and feelings at times conflict. Being successful at work may mean that someone else feels threatened, and a conflict results. New to me was the piece of advice to focus back on yourself, instead of ending up lost in strategic games and 'everyone has complex interests, and there's no solution'. Rosenberg's key message is to communicate. Not only try to figure out why someone is acting the way they are (they rarely do things because they are EVIL!), but express what this means for you. Your kids are wrecking havoc jumping on the sofa and screaming, and you feel like your head will burst? Maybe they need to get out and move? But maybe you can't go out right then, so you can explain why their action needs to change - because it's negatively impacting you (head hurts from noise!). Construct an indoor trampoline, somewhere behind a door you can close or wear earphones and listen to music? Your boss wants crazily long, daily reports? You don't have any time to do any work you like anymore? Communicate. Try to find out why the boss wants so many reports, and explain why this is negatively impacting your motivation and happiness at work. Try to find a solution how your boss' need to receive sufficient information and your own time can become aligned in a better way. Have lunch once a week?
2) Trust people - also kids. And treat every person with as much respect as you would if you'd meet Gandhi - or whomever you admire - most. Be an example of how you want your kids to talk to you, and to others. (Battling with this one!)
3) Learn to live with 'guilt'. There are so many things to change in the world. Try to change them (don't just meditate!). But also allow yourself to be happy of the lucky life you live (not in poverty, without need). See it as a resource that will make you stronger to tackle the changes you want to make. Don't use them as an excuse not to make those changes, though…find a balance.
4) Don't do things in the long run that you hate doing. If it means quitting a job, quit your job. There are no "musts" in life.
As you can tell, all a bit cosmic and incredibly difficult to implement in practice. It involves changing the way you talk, the way you use words, the speed at which you listen and provide advice. But perhaps something will stick. (I of course spend the morning shouting because I had slept little, two of three kids were being quite bratty and being really uncooperative with getting dressed for school, hah! And I have to think back to a book I read around a year ago, which had the message that you should accept and embrace your anger….)
(On a parallel, I also just finished Vargas Llosa's The Way to Paradise the evening before, which I'm again glad I finished and read, although somewhere around the middle I could have declared it the worst book ever, among the category of Nobel-prize winners, that is. Conclusion for both books: endurance and persistence sometimes helps and makes the trip and temporary struggles worthwhile, at least when it comes to books.)
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Managing Conflicts at Work
Any more regular reader of this blog knows that I have frequent "argh" moments with colleagues at work. I like cooperation, not competition, but sometimes the latter can't be avoided, in particular in pyramid-shaped hierarchies where the air gets thinner when you try to stand up (for your work, for your rights, or because you want to start making decisions and take more responsibility one day).
I was advised to read a book by Marshall Rosenberg on the topic of conflict management - I'll let you know what I think. I often think that I already think too much about conflicts, over-analyze them, and let them become overwhelming in all parts of my life - but I'll give it a try to think about it again.
Another tip I got was: avoid conflicts - simply don't join a hierarchical organization again. This is something I've been thinking about for quite a while now, when conflicts in organizations tend to be inherent in my case, and I'm much happier with my work and life when I can work freelance. So perhaps this is the solution: Managing Work without Conflicts? Instead of Managing Conflicts at Work?
A bit too simple, but sometimes it's good to get down to some basics, instead of living in this hyper-complex strategic work world of ours….
I was advised to read a book by Marshall Rosenberg on the topic of conflict management - I'll let you know what I think. I often think that I already think too much about conflicts, over-analyze them, and let them become overwhelming in all parts of my life - but I'll give it a try to think about it again.
Another tip I got was: avoid conflicts - simply don't join a hierarchical organization again. This is something I've been thinking about for quite a while now, when conflicts in organizations tend to be inherent in my case, and I'm much happier with my work and life when I can work freelance. So perhaps this is the solution: Managing Work without Conflicts? Instead of Managing Conflicts at Work?
A bit too simple, but sometimes it's good to get down to some basics, instead of living in this hyper-complex strategic work world of ours….
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