Feedback request - what next?

I need to start thinking out of the box a bit, or at least living out some of my out-of-box ideas. But moving from needing to doing is not my strength in the career world. So, hence a request. Please supply a few words, lines or paragraphs of ideas what I should do next, based on whatever criteria you choose, and either through comments or email. Or sms, telephone, or in person. I wander around in my own head enough, I'd appreciate some reflections. Every word appreciated, thanks!

Everyone not so nice nice

Before a really nice colleague of mine left her job a couple of months ago, she left a couple of albums on the shared drive for me to listen to. I am really old school with lots of things, and one is digital music - I mean the MP3 kind (I did and still do master CDs! Although I am generation tape and even LP!). One is Regina Spektor, whom I find really funny and nice to listen to. I was thinking of lyrics from her song just now (…everyone not so nice nice…or at least that's what I hear or remember, maybe she really sings something completely different - you know those amazingly funny subtitles to what people think are sung in songs, or when you read the real subtitles and realize you've heard something wrong for decades!).

So, the thing is, everyone is not so nice (nice) at the moment. My friends are lovely (thank you!!!), as is my family (thank you!!!), and that is what counts. But it's a bit like eating a lovely chocolate muffin, and then you bite into a rotten rat. Or you are dancing and twirling to lovely music barefoot, and stumble on glass splinters. Or you're strolling in your cotton summer dress down the street in the evening summer sun, and a car drives past and someone throws up all over your feet. Or you've spent a long evenings - months - of your private time contributing to making your company's work that tiny bit better, to be told one day when you are leaving that you didn't offer any value, that you took it too easy, that you didn't do your share.

That's the way life is. Everyone's not so nice nice, at least not all the time. The baker may have forgotten to close the door, and a rat slept in without notice (probably a tiny one, if it fits into a muffin!);  some happily tipsy couple broke their red wine bottle, and didn't bother sweeping up the pieces; someone simply gets ill; and someone simply gets annoyed.

I need to stop taking these things so personally. But what I can conclude with is that, during these slightly tiring times, it is amazing to realize how many incredible friends I have - and how I have even in this strange context made a few new friends. Even in the worst times, there is light. (And I know, these are mildly challenging times - nothing even close to catastrophe or suffering - I have that much perspective!). But the light still shines very bright, and I am very, immensely grateful.

The Need to Share - less is more? From Generation Overshare.

I've always been quite an open person. I'm a bit of an open book - you see what you get. If I have something to say, I usually say it. If I'm angry, it shows. Diplomacy, tact and patience are not assets I have. I try to be more careful than I have been in the past - a lot gets used against you when you're an open person. But it takes a lot of effort, to stop sharing what I think, see or feel. I'm definitely part of "generation overshare". My poor friends will agree - especially those who used to get a letter or page-long email a day (I know many just didn't read through, just is as the case with this blog). At work I'm aware I tend to spam, because I see relevance and something interesting in so many things. I overshare on facebook and twitter. But is less more? Perhaps. I could spend a week, editing a blog entry before I post. I could post my facebook updates on the basis of how many people will find it cool or cute and likeable. I could tweet on the condition I think a tweet will get 78 retweets. But would that be me? Would that make me feel happy, knowing that just one person would have enjoyed one of the random messages I could have sent, but didn't; found something interesting, comforting, or just plain silly in it? Would I feel good, having thoughts, feelings, information just locked up in my own head? No. But do I care about reactions? Of course I do. Nothing hurts as much as writing to a friend several times, and never getting a reply. Sharing important information at work, and simply being ignored. I take it as a hint: less is more. But actually, less is simply less - friends can ignore a two-liner each year just as well, colleagues that key rare insight. Hence I'll just keep sharing. The need to share is greater than the solution to whether to do more or less of it.

November Outside and Inside

November is a really tough month, at least up here in the Northern hemisphere. Whereas lots of people claim that they like autumn, I think November gets excluded from this category. It's not mulled wine season yet, it feels scarily early to start slowly getting some Christmas smells and atmosphere into the flat, and there is no sign of beautiful autumn foliage out there. It's gray, rainy, cold and just plain ugh.

So far, it has also been a bit of a November month not only outside, but also inside (myself). I've had a few very positive encounters, meetings, even work events. But it's all a bit of a struggle when the sun is not out, providing that reminder that there's something positive out there. I do have the kids for that every now and then, thank heavens. And friends, thank universe.

November is the "brakes" of the year. Whereas many other months of the year simply fly by, we crawl through November. No rustling of autumn leaves under our feet, no sledging and crunching of snow. Time to get a fireplace...?

Time to move out of the bedroom

Back to a non-work post: it's time to move out of the bedroom. For both of us. And with us I mean both myself and my youngest (just over 2.5 years). I've spent the past 1.5 hours next to his bed (hallelujah for the ipad), waiting for him to fall asleep. Cut his nap? Tick. Just let him go to bed on his own. Cross (have tried a few times, but as with all things, it's usually all or nothing and cold turkey is the way to go with our kids). And while we're at it, having him over in my bed (note: only my side of the bed). Another cross. Tried a few times half-heartedly, failed. As a result, rest poorly in the evenings, sleep poorly in the nights. Coffee only goes a short way.... I'm tired. Time for a change? Yes. Energy to bring about this change (reminder, I have to do this alone 3-4 nights each week due to our commuter dad)? Not yet... ;)

Job Offers vs No Rush

I again got another job offer today. I should be over the moon, as this was the third one in a short time. It should be such a confidence booster. I should be rubbing my palms together. But after these months, I lack two important feelings: optimism and idealism. I feel disappointed, disillusioned - and the grass doesn't look very green anywhere in my eyes at the moment. I'm probably in the need of a bit of a rest, and need a bit of distance from this circus. Just a day or two (which hasn't been that easy in my current job, which does not support compensation time, "taking vacation", or just being a tiny bit flexible at times - yes, as everyone tells me, "get out of there!!") - and then I'll be ready to rethink...

Core Network and Work Network

I often have a difficult time differentiating between people who are nice to me because they are nice to ME, and people who are nice because they want something. I'm often disappointed when I realize they fall only into the latter category, and can be quite nasty when they cannot use me. I like being liked, and am not a very tough cookie when not liked - i.e. it hurts. But even more than my craving to be liked is my craving not to be "used", so with every job, I've piled up a set of people with whom I dont get along. The best way to find out whether people really like you in your job is to experience their reactions when you quit. It shows who is in your "core network" and who is just there, friendly or not, because they want something. Core people stay - through various jobs. Work people leave. And it's quite transparent in their reactions to the news of a departure. An honest "oh no!" feels honest, the rest don't even often bother to react. Or if it's expressed face-to-face, one set will give you a hug, the other set somehow freeze over right there and then. So, when meeting people, you rarely know whom you can count on. When leaving people, it's quite clear. Strange just HOW clear.