Affirmative Action - pulling down standards

I get quite upset when I read about possible changes to affirmative action in the US, something I wrote about quite a while back. The news is still writing about same case, of a Texan white girl who got rejected from university and the case is now in the Supreme court, and may topple affirmative action in practice. The main argument does not appear to be that of "equal treatment", but lowering of standards. Second comes, oh how empathetic, that minorities this way dont have to drop out of programs with too high standards, which they wouldnt have qualified for in the first case. Now exchange minorities for women, and use these same arguments, and this is reality without affirmative action and quotas. Women lower standards. Women wouldn't make it in the harsh male world (of business, politics, choose your field). Women take up space of more qualified men. Sometimes, these things make me so a-n-g-r-y!

Fly High - and Land Low

Prologue: I hope that all of you have read my first guest blog from yesterday - I'm thrilled to have one, and can't wait to respond. And I hope that this will start a trend, where a few other readers will share their views - and sometimes, as is the case for myself, become more aware of one's views when writing them. The bar here is not high - it's often just 5 minutes of letting out steam, or daydreaming...and believe me, it's a fun process. So please do share your story or thoughts if you like. But before I respond...

I have had a great two weeks, a real ego boost, and so many opportunities to meet new people and learn new things that my head is spinning. I finally got some budget to travel, so I visited some of our key partners and team in London, as well as Brussels. I finally felt like I was offering some real value-added, and felt like I was fitting in better, after some bumpy weeks before. I moderated a really cool panel on malaria for World Malaria Day. At the same time, it all felt surreal: Here I am, not any different from a year ago as a person, in terms of my skills and competencies. But just because I'm affiliated to an organization, so many doors are open, I'm a somebody. It's a wonderful feeling, but also such a huge shame: how all these wonderful, skilled women who work from home are not valued sufficiently by society, not invited to provide all the expertise they have - and they have so much. We need to do something about this.

In any case, I've been flying high, in other words - and it has done my ego wonders. But, as life goes, you fly high to eventually land low. I had one of these experiences yesterday. I had been invited to attend a fancy, small (20-person) work dinner, with one of the main German news anchormen. It was a mixed group of people (fields, gender), but one thing quickly became clear: the elder, German men dominated, and the discussion was one where they spoke with each other, and everyone else was expected to listen. Attempts at interventions were mostly ignored, or sometimes politely quickly skimmed over - just to return to the closed conversation. Over a three-course meal and three hours, my mood deteriorated quickly. There was no openness to find out who the rest of us were, there was absolutely zero interest for what I do (development policy), and worst of all: there was no opportunity to just have smaller-group conversations with other participants. It was a reminder, after all this work thrill, after all this Lean In-thrill: in Germany, at least, it's the older, white, German men who dominate, and the rest of us are: nobodys (at least for them!).

Guest Blog 1 - Thoughts of a working mother!

Thoughts of a working mother!

When a friend recently asked me if I want to write a guest blog for her blog on work-life balance of a working mother, I was suddenly intrigued. I am not much of a writer, however have spent much of my last year complaining about being a full time working mum to most of my friends and it occurred to me that this may give me closure. A bit like not being able to sleep at night and writing down your thoughts, maybe putting my opinion down in this blog my help me accept my situation and just get on with it.  So here goes, even if it just for personal therapeutic reasons.

To give you a bit of background on myself, I am a mother of a wonderful 2 year old boy who I love to bits. Before him I was working in the event industry,  working on one event after another and traveling around the world. I loved my job and was defined by it. Me and my then boyfriend of 10 years  (now husband) decided that it was time for a change and maybe we should try for a family. I had it all planned out ( I plan everything and stick to my plans rigidly). We were going to have one baby and I was going to stay home for a year and then go back to work part time for 3 years before we have another, final baby. I was really looking forward to the change of pace and walking around parks, reading books on park benches while my beautiful baby boy slept peacefully. Then I was going to go back to work half days. Working in the family business would allow me to have the best of both worlds, some adult time with adult responsibilities and some quality time with my child in the afternoon. It was a great plan but sometimes life doesn’t go to plan.

Having just returned to work on a part time basis, my father died and it became very clear that my perfect plan needed amending. I was going to have to go back to work full time.  I must add at this point that I was raised by a nanny while my parents worked hard to give us everything. While I understand that that is the path they chose, I always said that I wanted to do things differently and would not employ a nanny to look after my own child. So off my son went to kindergarten, which he thankfully really enjoys, and off I went to work.

I am  usually in the office by 07:30 am and by then,I have dressed myself and my child, fed him breakfast, gone to the bakery and dropped him off at kindergarten and gotten myself to work. By the time I get to my desk I often feel like a have a full day behind me. When I leave work at 16:00 to pick him up from daycare,  I am usually hedging a plan of what kind of entertainment I can fill the rest of the afternoon with to make up for the time I have not spent with my child. After dinner and bath time, my husband takes him off my hands and handles bedtime, for which I am very thankful.

So its usually 19:00 before I can even think about anything for myself. By this point I have no more energy, all I want is food, a bath and some mind numbing tv. But its not the daily routine that gets to me, it’s the lack of escape. Monday- Friday I am running around trying to catch my tail and on the weekend we are in full family mode : zoo, playground swimming ect. I really miss some me time. I used to go to the gym and look after myself (manicures, pedicures ect) and now I come last….way behind everything else, which basically means it never happens. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change my family for the world, I would just like to read a magazine ONCE in peace. Never happens unless I have to travel for work and that’s a whole other chapter.

Working full time and having a family can be done and I do it, I am just not sure its something to aspire to. I know, how awfully anti-feminist of me, but every time I look at some well groomed, together mother I always think “how does she do it, when does she find time to put on her makeup?”.  My child is now 2, I am past the “I am a new mother so I cant be bothered to get out of my pjs” phase. I want to return to being something like a was before but I cant seem to find the time do to so.  And just when I start to question myself someone usually tells me “oh you mean her? She doesn’t work”…..ah so that’s it then. I am not useless or incapable of doing it all. I am just measuring myself by the wrong people. I guess all the full time working mothers aren’t out and about sitting in cafes looking their best, but probably driving around in their dirty SUV’s trying get their shopping done in 5 mins in a petrol station with a screaming child in tow. So yeah maybe I should just be less hard on myself…eventually it will get easier as my child gets more independent, just in time to have another one….my master plan lives on!

Lean In - Women, Work and Leadership

As a few people who have written about this book by Facebook's COO, mom of two, and feared that it can't live up to the hype - I agree, it fully lives up to the hype. Every woman, man, anyone aspiring to have a career, read this book. I could just quote and nod in agreement with every line. I have hysterical giggling fits reading it. And I have cried. And most importantly, it's an eye opener into constructive thinking - and hopefully action. At 200 pages, it's a quick and easy read. I dsiagree, though, that it's about leadership. Not all of us aspire to lead. Some of us are happy to work at the bottom of the pile, as long as our work is valued, and provides some value - to others but also to us as individuals. Having had my three kids without much "planning" as to how it would fit into my career - and I've has a good one so far anyway. And talking to so many young but also not so young women (latter defined as 35 and up), it's so sad how many are putting off having kids, because of an immense fear they'll not make it at work. We need to think bigger than that next mini-promotion, that next mini-extension of a 6-month contract. That's a never ending cycle, and I've said it to anyone I meet and who asks me for advice on this: just do it. If you're ready to have kid one, two, three or four, do it. Life offers so many different paths to get to where we want, and sometimes having children helps us decide what it is that we want from our careers in the first place. So, read the book. If you don't, I will buy it for you or read it out loud via telephone. Or type it up here, line for line...

Mind the gap - between work and home

London was wonderful. I'm exhausted after three days of meetings (useful, fun!) and chatting with the friend who's place I stayed at (lovely!). It was great to be back there, and I always enjoy these short trips away. It's been quite intensive at work, with lots of new health developments to report on. In the late afternoon, I was reporting on a new vaccine pricing scheme, and then on developments in eradicating polio. Fascinating, exciting and heart-breaking stuff. Then, two hours later, putting my healthy three kids into their snug beds. And thinking about those other kids in the world who are not as healthy, not as lucky. And why I am doing the job that I am doing. I sometimes getmso lost in the "unimportant" details, the things that are not working the way I would like. It's time again and again to concentrate on the big picture. And then it becomes so worthwhile.

Another pro-Berlin reason...

I'm just mapping out how to get from A to B to C to D in London during the next days. I studied in London, and have visited occasionally since, so I know the city fairly well. But I always underestimate the distances - and in particular the traffic and construction on the tube. I've packed my schedule full in order to maximize networking, and am now regretting all those 30 minute meetings I have between South Kensington and Farringdon, and back, and forth.... Another pro-Berlin reason. Hop on my bike and I'm at pretty much any office I need to go to in five minutes. Or I can take a subway or bus, and make it further out in ten - without any traffic or full services. Or a cheap taxi ride if things get tight (well, cheap is relative, but for Europe it's great here). But I'm sure I'll enjoy it nevertheless, although I unfortunately don't have any free time this time around - and London without a stroll through the Tate Modern just won't feel as homely (I lived literally behind the Tate Modern for a year).

Note to Evening Self from Morning Self (post-coffee)

I have two weak points during a day. One is in the morning before I have my coffee. I don't have problems waking up, but boy am I grumpy before my first cup. But after that cup of coffee, everything usually looks pretty good. The day then progresses, things happen - and little things start piling up. Someone says something. Someone else does something. And I'm unable to let go. Things start circling in my head, and come the evening, I have big problems switching off. I manage to spend time with the kids, but once they're in bed, my mind starts circling around the day's events again. And I know I should just switch off, do something different, re-energize. And sleep. Because I know that after that first cup the next day, it's a new day, and all those irrelevant little things that piled up to feel so big are just that - an irrelevant pile that can be ignored.

Ups and Downs - and Frowns

All well in the land of a working mom. I ran from one meeting to another (and biked), and bought some diapers before a meeting, as there was a drugstore right there... The art of hiding a huge diaper bag in another bag... I'm in a better, more balanced mood this week, which is good after the last two weeks.  Ups and downs, in other words. And some frowns. Today I got home to find three kids ready to roll off their dining chairs. I had told the babysitter she can make some fishfingers to go with rice and veggies. She had made all of our fishfingers, and fed a month's supply to our kids. OMG...

Running out of blog steam...

Not unexpected, but nonetheless a bit sad to realize that I haven't had time or energy to write for ten days. Too many emails, twitter, work blogs... and facebook and this blog have suffered as a result. It's been a tough two weeks, with things not quite going the way I had planned. At least the kids have been healthy for a full - whoop whoop - four days! I'm tired, it's weekend, and we are - helping out some friends with babysitting. Today a friend called that their baby was hospitalized and asked whether we could cover their other child. We were both at work, but my husband left early. I would have dropped everything as well if it would have been needed. Another couple we know are ill, so we will be helping with their child. Why? Because, as a parent, you know how essential such help is when times are tough. What are friends for? I will end with a song some of you know, so feel free to sing along: in good times, in bad times, i'll be on your side forever more....that's what friends are for....;) Karaoke time?