Shift of focus

It's strange how, at one moment, you are as a mom focussing on the quality and health of your nipples and the skin on your baby's bum. And just a few months later (or in some other countries like the US: week's later) chairing a meeting in a suit and talking about (if not managing) budgets of millions. To me it feels like travelling across the universe. The two worlds of home and work are so different. I guess it's not the case for everyone. I enjoy this part of being a working mom most. I get miles of distance to home when I'm at work, can focus on different issues and forget about being "mama" for a moment. But coming home, the beauty of it is just that: being mama, and getting distance to work. Sure, the two mix to some extent - my phone is omnipresent at work for emergencies at school or home, just in case. I have photos of my kids on my desk. And at home I often work in the evenings. But it's still more black and white than mushy gray. Or perhaps red and orange... in any case, different.

Femen Femen - Everywhere

There's a pretty good article in this week's Economist about the feminist boob-revealing protest movement Femen. It puts the protest movement into feminist context, and is pretty a-moralistic about it, and gets what it's about. But it also rightly states that boobies boobies everywhere stops being shocking or newsworthy at some point. Did you know that Angela Merkel and Vladmir Putim were femened early April in Hannover (I did, but only because I was following Merkel press that day due to a work event), or that the Barbie house opening was femened in Berlin (I didn't, and shhh about the Barbie house for a household with a 5 and 6 year old girl). What do I think about femen? All for it, if the protest is for a good purpose. I don't find breasts shocking, but I come from Finland where we jump around nude from saunas into lakes... Would I do it? Perhaps, if there would be a cause I strongly believe in - and perhaps would see no other effective way of having my voice heard (or text read...). Not going to happen, but it's an interesting thought process to go through. Would you?

Lean In vs Lean Back - at work and at home

What does leaning in (a la the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg) mean on a practical level at work and at home? Here are some thoughts on what this looks like in my life.

Leaning in at work means that I take care of my tasks, try to do them not too sloppily (I'm a rather sloppy person, as you can tell from the all typos in this blog!), and try to think of useful outputs (sharing with others, using as input in discussions, filing for later use). I try to stay motivated and be a more constructive team player.

But I also lean back a lot (which is probably why I haven't gotten that far in my career). I don't go that extra mile to think about what would make strategic sense, I don't give issues a second, critical thought, and I don't dive into details. I rather jump from one issue to another, and to a third, and to a hundredth... Or I'll stay quiet because I'm too tired to really activate my brain at a strategic moment, or prepare for something properly.

What about at home? Can leaning in be applied to parenting? Is this the super active, engaged parent, who invests into quality time? Or leaning back? The parent who can spend an evening on the sofa reading calmly, or meditating? The same applies as above. I'm slightly all over the place, trying to multitask playing with cars (with the youngest, now nearly 2.5), listen to the endless stories of my eldest (soon 7), and accept  hugs from my middle child (5.5, in a very cuddly phase) - while reading the Economist, hanging up the laundry, and changing out of my work clothes...

Crying at Work

I'm an emotional person, easily getting angry about silly things, or sad about random issues - or happy about little pieces of news (especially if those little things involve new little people in the world!). I try not to, but there have been occasions when I have cried at work. From anger, from being insulted, after having read a sad personal message. Today I cried when reading a UNAIDS report (UNAIDS) is an umbrella for all UN and multilateral development agencies working on AIDS.   In the report were profiles of people on antiretroviral (i.e. AIDS) medicines, and questions answered by them on what they find most important in life. Many were parents, many had given birth when already HIV-positive, and the response was the same throughout: staying alive and healthy (possible with medicines), and having made sure their children are born and remain HIV-free (birth to a positive parent of a negative child is possible with timed medicines). A good and hopeful reason to cry.

Impacting - who, what and why

I'm on facebook, twitter and on this blog. I always have to laugh when I see some other people's facebook/twitter/blog statistics. 1,500 friends, 30,000 followers on twitter, 15,000 blog followers. I laugh because a) that's so incomparable to my "stats", and b) I'm positively impressed at the impact these people are having on other people. Or are they? I guess it depends on who's following, what is being followed in terms of substance, and why the writer/poster is posting. Especially the latter is interesting, because the motivation to share can be so diverse. In today's FT weekend (courtesy of travelling husband who brings home newspapers), there was an article that people who actively post on social media are happier than those who don't. And most don't care whether their posts are "liked", re-tweeted or reviewed. They have the feeling that someone out there cares, even if they do not actively signal this. I think I belong to this category. Of course it's cool if you suddenly "trend" on twitter (I don't!), or get 720 likes for a comment on facebook (I don't), or see that 2,376 people read today's blogpost (guess..?). But even if one friend sees something I post, smiles, or thinks about some issue because of it, I'm happy. My impact? Does it matter....? An ode for more people to share ideas! I'll follow, smile or frown, and what be happy to read what you are thinking.

Labor force participation of women, earnings of women - and divorce

Passed on by a friend from a study by the National Bureau on Economic Research. This made me laugh. For those who have read my blog for longer and know my life, you'll know why.

"Within couples, if the wife's potential income (based on her demographics) is likely to exceed the husband's, the wife is less likely to be in the labor force and earns less than her potential if she does work. Couples where the wife earns more than the husband are less satisfied with their marriage and are more likely to divorce."

ps. Finland just reshuffled their government, with two new female ministers.

Applaud for beating, applaud for rape?

I went to e theatre in Berlin yesterday (Berliner Ensemble) and watched Wedekind's Frühlingserwachen (spring awakening, or youth awakening). Written in 1891, it's still current as ever, especially when directed by Peymann. The topic is morality, and what makes a good/bad person (character, upbringing, bad luck, etc). There were sad fates among several teenage characters. Inclduing beatings and rape. What was more disturbing than some nude and raunchy scenes was that a large part of the audience laughed and applauded after a young man beats a young 14-year old girl, and again reacted this way when the same girl was raped. If a few people had laughed, I would have guessed it was a distubed laughter. If they had just clapped, perhaps at the authenticity of the performance. But it was a large group, and the combination of laughter and clapping was simply very disturbing.

Girls' Morning Out

My girls are 5.5 and nearly 7 years old. They are lovely, easy kids. My son is 2, and absolutely adorable - but far from easy. He's not even close to hyperactive, but he just has a lot of energy. We can't yet go eat out with him, other than to outdoor pizzerias (with playgrounds) etc - and even then it's far from relaxing. So today's morning out with my girls felt luxurious in contrast. We went to the opera to listen to old funny chansons - something I would have loved even without the kids. And then went to one of my favorite cafes (bravo in the KW, although their food and cakes are not great, the location is lovely), and had fun flipping through interior magazines and dreaming of swimming pools and amazing views and colors. In other words, it was quite a mommy day, on my terms, but fully compatible with my girls' needs. I love being able to spend time withh my son, but sometimes, nothing beats a girly day :)

Mother - Rewind 7 or 8 Years

I became a mother just under seven years ago. As I am now 33 years old, I have been a mother for slightly over 1/5 of my life. Numbers, fractions and percentages are usually too abstract to comprehend an issue, so maybe I'll rewind 7 years. Or better 8, as I think any mother would agree that pregnancy is already a part of motherhood. 8 years ago I spent Mother's day dealing with a family emergency. I had been hoping to get pregnant for nearly a year by then. For some reason, it was for the best at the time that I could focus on helping my family then. I was nonetheless devastated on Mother's day when I realized that it was again that time of the month when I again - as month after month before - realized I had again not become pregnant. I was in a phase where I did not  have time or energy to think about myself, but on that day I did. I was upset, angry, and it was a day that helped me refocus on myself and my own needs, wishes and dreams. Having children was something I wanted so much. Three wonderful children later, I am so grateful that this wish has been granted to me. I am so grateful for the here and now.

My Little Green Cactus - the opera

I had lunch with out interns today, whom I like and enjoy chatting with. As it was a Friday, the conversation drifted to plans for the weekend. One intern was going to some electronic beats concert, the other to listen to a Senegalese band. Me? I'm going to listen the the children's opera "My Little Green Cactus", at 11am. A friend from Brussels just wrote a blo about feeling uncool, not being let into a concert in the evening because she had a buggy along. I had to think of her today and laugh: how cool is a very, very strange concept.... or the wrong adjective for us parents.

Biutiful

A good friend of mine has for years told me that she's afraid to have children because she doesn't feel ready to take on so much responsibility. At its most basic, the responsibility that you have as a parent is to keep your children alive - and to keep yourself alive. The concept of mortality suddenly becomes very real. Another good friend of mine a few days wrote about a health scare she had. She's a mom of two small kids. I had some health issues during the past year, as most readers of this blog know, and as a mom of three small kids, I often felt: scared. Once we become parents, we never cease to be parents - no matter what happens to our children. But the opposite is also true: we never cease to be the children of our parents - no matter what happens to our parents. It's not easy to let go, I'm certain, although I've thankfully never had to experience any such loss.

Not knowing what I was getting into, I watched the film "Biutiful" last night, with Javier Bardem, in spanish (I don't understand spanish, so I watched with subtitled, I just wanted to highlight that it's a spanish and not Hollywood film). The main topic is mortality of parents. And what this means for both parents and small children. Heavy stuff, in other words - but also "biutiful", as the title states. 

Is it true that you can only truly value what you have when you realize you could lose it?     

Why You Moms - and Your Kids - are So, So, So Lucky

Save the Children today published their report on the state of mothers and infants around the world:
http://www.savethechildrenweb.org/SOWM-2013/#/10/

Top ten places to be as a mom and new-born start with Finland, run through all the Nordic countries, include Germany (where I gave birth to all three of my kids) - and the bottom ten (numbering 167 - 176 out of the world) are all countries in sub-Saharan Africa.

Child mortality is falling around the world, also in parts of sub-Saharan Africa. But it's falling very slowly there. And maternal mortality in sub-Saharan Africa remains dismal. Many moms do not have access to health care of mid-wives, and are too far from these when an emergency hits during childbirth.

Two weeks ago, I moderated a panel for my organization on malaria. Germany is in an election year, and we have an election campaign going on - to ensure that everything possible is done to end extreme poverty and suffering. The report by Save underlines what I said about my own role: As a mother of three, and as a part of this organization, my aim is to do everything possible to end unnecessary and easily preventable deaths and suffering. Looking at where I come from (Finland), where my kids have been born (Germany), and how well we have it, it's the least I can try to do for those elsewhere who are not as lucky. 

The Wonderful Lightness of Being

After sleeping loads last weekend, and turning off my work emails, I managed to get a bit of healthy distance to it all, and have taken it really slow this week - as after two days at work, I have another five days off. It's important not only for re-energizing, but also for refocussing and rebalancing. Work  can suck you into this 24-7 mode so quickly, and even little things suddenly seem critical - and there's never an end to little things! Today, ignoring hayfever season, I spent half of the day with my girls (5.5 and nearly 7) at Berlin's "central park". A friend of ours had asked whether they'd like to join a photoshoot with a former magazine editor who is trying to re-enter the job market after a longer baby break, and needed to build up a photo portfolio. Living in Berlin-Mitte, and having a number of people working in the creative sector in our schools, this is not the first time our kids have been asked to model. I've so far been against it, but this was through a friend (and not for an agency), and for a good cause, plus the girls were for it, as they couldmhang out with a friend. It ended up being a lovely experience. My girls are completely oblivious to clothes or how they look (what a blessing so far), and were not at all self-consious. Nor were they all oohs-and-aahs about dresses or clips. It was all just so natural, without anyone complaining, asking others how they looked, no mirrors, no posing. And as there was a professional fashion photographer (who literally took around 1000+ photos, with that paparazzi snap-snap-snap sound), the photos turned out amazing. It was a lazy day in the park, with a few clothes changes, a massive pizza lunch at a wonderful beer-garden at a lake, three friends playing with each other - and lots of beautiful pictures.