Can We Have It All? Yes, we can!

I may not be super succesful, but I think I have a decent CV for my age. I also have three wonderful kids. And a super husband. I have great friends, and can spend some portion of my time doing things that I want to do. I was watching a short 1-minute clip from Oprah Winfrie with Sheryl Sandberg (I had never watched even a second of Oprah before). The clip was about "obviously we can't have it all" (confirming Annemarie Slaughter's point), and I sat there, thinking: come on ("guys"), look at you. And even look at me. We SO DO have it all! We are proof that it is possible to have an interesting career, time to have and spend time with kids, and still have our own lives. Can we have it all on our own? Obviously not, but thanks to daycare, schools, great babysitters and a network of good friends - and ideally a wonderful partner - it's all possible. Fear not to try is our biggest obstacle.  We can't succeed if we don't try. And so far, my own experience is: it works, for everyone involved.

Women at the top - and not

I definitely see myself in the latter category, but that doesn't mean I don't support others - and perhaps even myself - from getting as far as one hopes to get. Funnily, having thought about this issue for so long in my spare time, and having followed the press on these issues like a magnet, I have become an expert on the whos-who of women. Thanks to PC, there's always a frenzy to find women (and other underrepresented people) onto panels etc. I can roll out a list of 20 names for different sectors easily. With less time on my hands, I may unfortunately become less of an expert on this topic. But hopefully, instead of being able to list names from the press, I can start listing people I work with or have met. A couple of you in let's say 5-10 years for sure!

Empty Thoughts

The problem with work is that although I find it energizing physically and mentally, I also find it draining, in particular socially and verbally. I communicate a lot in my job, and have realized that I'm slightly out of power when I meet my friends in my free time - or when I'm writing my blog (which I do more rarely with each week). It's a shame, but hopefully I'll find a better balance again shortly. It's important to stay interested in a variety of things, and people. And to make that time. Work in the Blackberry era (or iPhone, as my company does) tries to gobble you up. I thankfully have my kids that force me to leave the office each evening. It keeps balance and perspective.

On another note, I'm thrilled to see that there's a new filming of Midnight's Children (Rushdie) coming out next week. I can't get enough of good films - or good books, although I'm failing to find good latter ones at the moment. Another film that I'd wanted to watch for years that I managed to catch up on just yesterday: Bergman's Sarabande. If you know the old Bergman films, I recommend. Otherwise it might not make that much sense. Welcome any tips on films and books you may have, as always!

Face Value

I have written quite a few posts about the value of networks. Not only are they useful, but they make office work feel more humane - a computer and a telephone are, well, just that. Our company uses a lot of VC (video conferencing), which is an ok subsitute - if the VC facility would always be available. But, despite the carbon horror, the value of flying around every now and then to meet colleauges face-to-face beats any call or VC. Because such meetings happen in real time, with coffees and lunches, possibly breakfasts and dinners and drinks... There is space, and time, beyond the 30 or 45 minute VC slot to chat. To discover common friends, common interests - to strengthen that network that's so important. Plus, who doesn't want to see some real friends in person....?

Lean In - to what?

Sheryl Sandberg's book is all over the place. I'm putting off reading it, because I read all these amazing quotes from it everywhere, and am worried the book as a whole can't live up to the best-ofs (inclduing from the Economist, quoting Sandberg "the most important career choice in your life will be whom you chose as your partner" - or perhaps it was marry, or husband, I can't recall whether she was that progressive...). But sometimes, after a day with slightly fruitless meetings at work and as a school parent rep (today being one of those days), I wonder what it is that we are supposed to be leaning into. Isnt a better question sometimes whether we should not be trying to make things more interesting, more something-suitable(ish)? It's probably not possible without leaning in first. But patience has never been my greatest strength...

Staying - for love

We're still ill, believe it or not. Runny noses, coughs, but thankfully no fever at the moment. I've managed to work my full days, so I still feel a bit as if I get to be on a tropical island with my feet up (in comparison to being at home). For those of you whom I haven't shared the news with yet: life is good, and it is good right here where we are, at home. Three weeks ago, on the day where we had a buyer for our flat, we put all our plans in reverse, and decided to stay in Berlin. My husband will have to do some (3-day) commuting, but our decision to leave made us realize what we have here. A home. And a good home, in a city that makes life easy. Long story short, I'm happy with this decision. The moving package just didn't add up. Maybe in a year, maybe with another job. But not now. I saw a magnet today in a store I went to: Berlin Liebt Dich. Well, Berlin, I Love You Too.

A video can often say more than I can

I've forwarded this around to some of you, but for the rest, watch 3 minutes that fits in with my own thoughts (and blog ramblings) from the past few months:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=530676213640008&set=vb.100000929017508&type=2&theater

And in the end, think of one of my favorite quotes (from Gandhi).

Sick, sick and sick again

It's probably not surprising that I'm blogging less now that I'm at the office full time. But the real reason is that, out of four weeks at work, the family has been ill for three. Last week everyone except for me had the flu - that was fun. Did I mention that this included the weekends, so that I didn't get any rest? Now my husband is traveling for work (barely on his feet, though), and my youngest two are back at daycare (very snotty, though), and my eldest is still at home with the babysitter with mild fever. And me? I'm at the office, doing what I wanted to do: work. And still enjoying it! If I'd be at home, I would have been at home with one ill child or another for four weeks now. Without a moment of rest. And now? I bike to work (=sport), I have a nice lunch (=not just sandwiches), I meet lots of people (=social life), I get to do a lot of thinking and writing and meetings (=intellectual challenge), and I feel like I'm doing something useful (=purpose), and am valued (=self-worth). And I can go to the bathroom ALL ON MY OWN!

Women - with kids - not at the office

Or at least not full time. Or at least not if the men work full time. Or at least very, very rarely so. In Germany at least. In coherent sentences: I have given my application decision not to mention the kids some thought over the past three weeks at the office. Would they have taken me if I had "come out" then? Answer: 90  percent no. Not because my colleauges are bad people, but simply because a full-time job - requiring some extra hours and dedication to pull it through on such a low salary - is not quite family compatible. I haven't come across many parents (partly because the institution has lots of young employees). I can only afford our babysitter to cover afternoons and a whole bunch of sick days so far (again, as I type this week) because my husband earns well enough to cover parts of this - and the rest of our life! It's really sad. Not for me, because I have my kids.But what about those women who sit at the office, in their prime concieving years, who are giving the issue of children some thought, but see the reality of most jobs these days (and this is an NGO!). There's something so rotten in this whole system, and I am so lucky - and grateful - that I can work anyway, despite all the odds. (Still, let's see how long this works!)

Work hard - play when?

I often think of myself as very protestant in terms of my work ethics: work first, play later. I rarely procrastinate. The problem is that there's always work to do, especially housework, and just lying down happens very rarely as a result. And when I do plan in a treat to relax, it doesn't always happen as planned. For the second weekend in a row, after a tough week with long days plus husband gone three nights, I had planned luxury tasks for the weekend: lots of Jamie Oliver cooking. Well, come the weekend and husband collapses in bed with the flu - and has been there sleeping for 24 hours. What do I do? Jamie Oliver my way through the weekend WITH the kids. Zucchini penne last night, making our own ketchup today, and steaks with roasted potatos with the prior tonight. It's all doable, and even fun. But relaxing? Maybe next weekend...