I have read every single piece of advice and list of "to dos" that is available online for the days before giving birth. As this is my fourth child, I am probably re-reading lists and tips for the fourth time. At the end of the day, the only advice is: be patient. If there's one thing that is not my asset, it's patience. Although I knew that this baby is likely to be born around the due date (or slightly after), as all other three children, I have for three weeks been determined that "it could (and should!) happen any time now".
Maybe if my body and brain would not be shutting down, things would be easier. My nesting instinct is just increasing by the hour ("do I really have to leave the house at all?") and my range and intensity of interest in the world outside (news, my beloved news!) is dwindling to zero. I can't even concentrate enough to finish a crossword puzzle or sudoku, things that I would usually do to wind down. I'm still trying to read (newspapers, a great book), but there's only so much one can read each day.
I'm happy to shut down - it's healthy before what expects me (a strenuous birth, weeks and months of end of sleepless and tiring days and nights), but it would be great if I could also switch off fully in terms of impatience. If I could just feel utter harmony, and drift along each day with a placid smile on my face, instead of gritting my teeth that this wait feels so long (you should see me at 3am, when I realise that again it's a night when it's not going to start...).
My little whine of the day. The day after tomorrow is my official due date, I have no reason whatsoever to complain, I know!
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