What have a I learned over the past year about careers & kids?

I was today interviewed by a researcher working on careers+kids. She is conducting 135 qualitative/narrative interviews around the world, and although nearly done, said she is still fascinated by each and every story. I can relate, as although I didn't interview as many people during my one-year project on the topic - and many of them were friends, who have absolutely fascinating stories to tell - the topic is one that quickly gets personal, goes into depth and illuminates so many different philosophies and experiences in life.

I was asked several questions during the one-hour interview that I found difficult to answer, such as "what is a good mother?", "what is a good father?" and "what do you tell young women who are thinking about the topic?". On the first two, I more and more believe that moms and dads can (and possibly should) be interchangeable as primary parents and caretakers (I'd in particular like that to be case for pregnancy and giving birth, as well as breastfeeding during the night, as I approach my birth due date in two weeks!). And I more and more think that what I should be telling young people is to "STOP THINKING", and just go with what you feel. Especially in Germany. We today discussed in length how German bureaucracy can prevent any sane, educated person from making decisions. The amount of research required to understand the policies is just impossible (all in legal jargon, dozens of pages long, completely and utterly contradictory and incomprehensible), as is the amount of paperwork needed once the baby is born (to get a birth certificate, to apply for allowances and benefits, etc., all in the same legal jargon format). One can spend months on end trying to figure out how much a child will cost, and what tax implications it will have. And yes, sadly many people also seem to have kids based on how many bedrooms are available, as I've noticed with some friends. Or car seats, once the decision goes from 3 to 4.

Are these really the right criteria or inhibitors to having children? A room per child, a car seat per child, an extra plane ticket per child? Yes, children take up space. They are expensive, especially if you decide to go for private care and schools, and like travelling (long distances) by plane, and staying in hotels. But is this a reason not to have (more) kids?

I realize I haven't written anything about careers yet. Perhaps because I've now been out of the office for a week, and am fully out of work mode (how quickly things change!). I'll leave that to another post (I'm currently reading the Never Ending Story with my two older girls, and those who know the book well will know the sentence "but that is another story, to be told some other time").