Yesterday, Annemarie Slaughter, a great commentator on foreign policy and author of an article on women at work that was debated quite broadly ("You can't have it all") a year or so ago, wrote an article for the World Economic Forum in Davos titled "Behind every CEO mother is a caregiver father". It reminded me of an article a friend of mine wrote about one of the only German female CEOs, who also has a family. And what struck me then, and struck me now again, was that these "moms" are only successful in their jobs because the dads run the family (kids and household). And there I was again, wondering whether that is true, and more importantly, has to be. Can only one of us in a partnership have a (real) job, and the other one is left with childcare (and perhaps nice little projects on the side, but not a successful career)? In our little household, we used to have a "rotating" model - one of us was at home (and at times worked part-time), whereas the other worked full-time. We then switched a couple of times, and both advanced (albeit slowly) but also had family time. But we are now in a situation where quitting a great full-time job (my husband's) is not a real option. So we tried a "we both want it all model", because I also wanted a "career", not just some erratic projects. It didn't work out, but not because of the kids or family situation. It didn't work out because of my job, where I realized a "career" would not be possible. I'm now back to erratic projects for the time-being, but I do hope - and know that it's possible, to "both have it all". Perhaps not with a US-style contract that is incompatible with kids' vacations (or own social and physical well-being), and perhaps not in a company that expects rigid office hours, PLUS constant availability (without compensation). But in Europe, in Continental and Scandinavian Europe, this model should be possible. I hope. Because we don't both only want it all, we both deserve it all.
p.s. I would have liked to co-write this post with my husband, and father of our three children (just under 3, 6 and 7 years old). But our weekly reality is a commuting dad, and as he's not a fan of blogging or sharing ideas through social media, I'll write on "both" of our behalf. See it as my views, and hypothetically his as well.
Any examples of other couples who both manage great careers? Who are physically in the same place, withh sane and happy kids, and a real marriage?
ReplyDeleteYes, one, although they are not married (you know who you are, we want our party!!!). And several who manage, but where one career is not "great", but primarily due to one partner having to live in a geographically suboptimal career location (but interestingly, in order to live in places where they want their kids to be raised, so family-induced...). Utopian in your view?
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