Conversations - 6

Q / Did your parents both work when you were a child? Whom do you consider to have been your primary caretakers?

 

A / Yes - they both worked and I consider my parents to have been my primary caretakers. I think my mum worked part-time when I was really small but my memories are generally of my dad working part-time and doing his PhD and my mum working hard. She did weekly commutes when I was age 12-15 so my dad and I used to be home alone from monday - thursday at least. 

 

Q / In your teens, did you ever have a dream of what your life would be like in terms of career and/or children?

 

A / I don't remember having a clear dream, definitely not in terms of family. Since we had a very close, small family, I think I almost took for granted that that was how my life was going to be one day. In terms of work, I think I had vague dreams of being some sort of UN official but I don't think I focused much on the long term future actually. Other dreams that popped up from time to time were being a pop star or a musician!

 

Q / To what extent have you fulfilled these dreams from above? Do parts still remain a dream but not a reality? Have you acquired new dreams for the years to come?

 

A / Since I didn't have very clear dreams it's hard to say! I try to act on my dream of being a pop star / musician in a low key way - in London by being in a choir and here in Malmö, I sing in a band at work which performs at various staff parties - loads of fun!!! My current work-related dream is to find a job that I really love which I'll feel passionate about. I don't dream about being a UN official anymore though :)

 

Q / If you work, are you satisfied with what you do? Please explain.

 

A / Overall I would say that I'm satisfied with what I do but I've never found a job that I've been really passionate about - I tend to find myself in the situation where i like my job overall, but find certain things frustrating. I've moved to a smaller city because I want a "small-city lifestyle" and with that comes a different choice of jobs (no government departments or intl organisations). What I like about working in a council is that you're closer to the people you are trying to help but on the other hand it is a bit less strategic. It's fun to try to get more strategy and analysis into the council though, even if it doesn't always work... (which at times is frustrating!) I love the flexibility of my job - apart from having quite a few meetings, I can more or less choose when I do my work and catch up in the evenings if I need to. 

 

Q / If you have children, is life with children how you expected it would be? Please explain.

 

A / I'm not sure what I expected from life with children but I'm finding it amazing. The love I feel for P is a feeling I can't really explain. I think we've been fantastically luck so far (good sleeper, never really been ill, hasn't got to terrible twos stage yet...) so it's been less difficult than I expected and more rewarding. I definitely feel tired sometimes but rarely desperately. It's great to see him grow and change, scary to see him copying me/us all the time and it's nice to get to play every day! 

I enjoyed maternity leave but thought that 7 months was just right and I was ready to go back to work after that (although the first two weeks were hard!). Quite a few people expressed surprise about the fact that I wanted to go back to work which I just shows how strong gender roles still are - who would question whether a dad was ready to back to work after his 2 weeks of paternity leave at birth?

Now I work full-time but since I've got a flexible job I can leave early two days a week and pick P up at 3 which gives me some really valuable time with him during the week. I think the fact that my husband and I and I share household and childcare 50:50 makes a huge difference - it means we can both get away to go to the gym / to a restaurant / go away for the weekend if we want to and we never really argue about those things because one of us feels we've got a greater burden. 

 

Q / Please write a short blurb on whether you work (and if yes, in what field and with what types of working times), whether you have children (and if yes, whether they are in daycare etc), and whether you have any particular hobbies. If you would like, state which country currently live in.

 

A / I work full-time in the head office of the local council (40hrs a week, but flexibly and some times in the evenings to make up for picking up early from nursery). I have one child, age 20 months and he's in childcare 35hrs a week. At the moment I'm trying to get fit for skiing so I've joined a circuit training class but otherwise I prefer to go swimming. In the summer I try to go sailing regularly. I live in Sweden - by the sea :)