My message in these posts so far has been slightly one-sided: Women / moms, there's an interesting world out there! Be part of it, talk about it, improve it!
However, everyone needs to do some hibernating and naval grazing (or baby gazing) sometimes. There are times in life where one needs to self-reflect, where one needs to rest, and where one needs to concentrate on a narrower range of issues. Such times include the late stages of pregnancy, and the first months (or even year) after childbirth. During these times, a woman is simply too tired or drained to do much else (the negative side), and is hormonally programmed to focus on what is at that point important (the baby, the positive side).
My message has been directed not to those moms who have recently given birth or who are breastfeeding - like I wrote in a previous post, I am not a fan of the "French" model of going back to full-time work 8 weeks after giving birth. But I am writing about those who are in a stage where it's time to let go (a bit, at least). This includes some people in the circle of people I interact with due to my older kids (4 and 5 years).
One problem, in Germany at least, is that moms stay at home for such a long time that they cannot rejoin the job market with ease later on. They may legally be entitled to, three years after (mostly unpaid) leave, or five in the case of twins, but add second or third siblings to this, and the lack of an active job network and up-to-date skills, and things get very difficult.
To sum up: I think there are stages in life where one shouldn't think of work, where one should fully enjoy a respite, a period of reflection, or a wonderful new person in the world. My worry is that many people seem to get stuck in this phase, and not only lose their opportunity to rejoin the workforce, but also lose their interest in questions of broader society (political, economic, global, etc.). I think that all of us, including women and especially moms, have an obligation and responsibility to think about what is happening in the world, and to try to make it a better place - way beyond making sure that one's child's room is decorated perfectly.
My child's room is a mess and not all that pretty (yet). But my biggest worry - just moved to Munich - is daycare. I cannot believe that in a thriving city like this with the best job market in Germany there is such a lack of childcare institutions. I (and I guess a ton of all those other moms at the playground) would love to work. But how can we, when we don't have or don't want a grandmother/nanny/caretaker to look after our kid(s), but would rather see them in a group of same aged friends with a professional to look after them?
ReplyDeleteMaybe there is my next political campaign? And a fulfilling job?
Fully agree, thanks for your comment, KL. I wonder whether there is any other aspect for getting women back to work that is as essential as available, affordable, and good childcare. We're of course in a luxury position here in Berlin in that respect. You, if anyone, will manage to convince those Bavarians to change course!
DeleteThe good childcare situation might just be the flipside of the French model - here in Brussels most mothers go back to work after 3 to 6 months, and they work full time. So you have an abundance of childcare institutions, not all perfectly satisfying, many quite expensive, but at least they're there and it's more than normal to use them.
ReplyDeleteAnd Katri you might like this: In my "coffee mornings" group of other mothers we just discovered that a lot of us have a social sciences background and work profile and that we want to stay in contact to try some networking.