Before returning to full-time work a bit over a year ago (I'm now out again), I visited a career coach for two sessions. I was struggling with whether I could work full-time while having three small kids (and a commuting husband). The advisor at the time recommended I read a career-councelling book for stay-at-home-moms, which had helped another "client" of hers. It helped me a lot with some of my own doubts, but I have to admit that, in retrospect, I didn't follow much of the advice - nor that of my councilor, who, when I told her I'd found the "ideal" job, replied that she's skeptical, because it didn't match some of my fundamental criteria for a job. The book was right - and she was right - in one particular aspect: I sold myself too low and cheap, and ended up quitting mainly because I realized that no-one would "boost me up" just because I'm so great. I was a dedicated, loyal, cheap, overqualified employee. Convenient in all aspects except that I was frustrated, and ended up quitting.
This first "guide book" I read opened me up to reading other books. Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" was a powerful motivator, Annemarie Slaughter's "We can't have it all" article more of an irritator ("of course we can!" I cried at the time - and now whimper "oh no we can't").
I picked up yet another guide book from the library a while back, focusing on why women fail in the career game so frequently. The main message is that women are meek in elbowing and "simply getting angry", and falsely believe that merit alone will get you promoted and responsibility. I believe this book has many true messages. My own past job experience proves it, in my view: my merit didn't get ME further, it got MY ORGANIZATION and my boss further.
The problem with this "self-improvement" books is a bit like diet books, or asking people advice. There's an example and a counter-example for everything. There's a theory and strategy that negates all others. It's, at the end of the day, one big muddle. And I'm utterly confused. Lacking any self-esteem, because, just as in the Pink song: "all they tell me, is change everything you are".
It's good to read these books, and realize things about other people, power relationships, motivations, and one's self in this puzzle. But it's also important to close these books at some point, and start following the advice along the lines of "do not do what you love, but learn to love what you do" - i.e. "do not try to become what others think will make you successful, but become successful in what you are"… or?
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