Big fish, little fish, swimming in the water

(Listen to the song by PJ Harvey if you don't know it! I used to love it over two decades ago - gulp.)

The great thing about lying in bed for four days is that, after having slept through 72 hours, I had a day of resting yesterday - and caught up on a few "House of Cards" shows (Series 1 - as always, years and years behind any hype - but boy is it GREAT!).

The series underscores my feelings about the career world. It's a harsh place, there are lots of brutal power-struggles (for the sake of power in itself), and there are a lot of big fish and little fish, swimming in the water.

Always being years and years late on any hype (I take a long time to befriend issues, and to gather really deep, sincere interest in them - just as is the case with friendships), I'm usually years and years - if not decades - behind on any new career issue. With this I mean a theme or sector. In 2001, I listened in on a PhD seminar, where there was a presentation about HIV/AIDS in international politics. I found it so hugely exotic in that field at the time - and working on it myself the last few years, realize just how passé most of the world finds it. My blog and ideas around this topic (women and work) have led me to realize just how many thousands, tens of thousands, millions?, of initiatives there are for women and work. Of course I know it's been an issue in the making for centuries, but to realize just how much expertise, great initiatives, great thinking there is on the topic is - humbling.

The more the know the more you realize the less you know? That seems to be the lesson I'm learning, moving from having been quite a "generalist" for several work years to trying to "specialize" in issues that interest me. The more I dig, the more I realize has already been dug. I wouldn't make a good entrepreneur or discoverer.

But, to try to be optimistic, it's often not about changing a system, or causing a revolution - but about making tiny, little improvements. It's about finding that one little slot where you fit in, where you know which bolt to turn, and things may change, and you may have been useful.

I found a postcard (my absolute weakness in life, together with coffee, Viennese Sacher-cake, and good books) that says "Wait here until you are useful". I have added it to my postcard collection (best-ofs) on my door. I'm still waiting. Swimming with the tiny fish. Waiting. Waiting. And hopefully one day finding what I'm looking for.