Meet me in the storage room

Some moms (for some reason have not seen dads do this) share brilliant commentaries about random experiences with their kids. I have a university friend from tbe UK who just makes me roll off my chair from laughter with 3-line conversation recaps she has with her son. A former teacher of mine just melts my heart with her similar conversations. I seriously think they should record (beyond FB) and publish these witty, hilarious and at times incredibly deep insights. I'm not as talented with such recollections, although kids just make conversations amazing, no matter whether recitable or not. But I do wish I would write up or save more memories of random phases or ticks my kids go through. Because sadly but truly, with three kids and a rather poor memory, I already mix up who did what, and forget things I never thougt I could. Words mis-spoken or mis-understood, funny songs or habits. Right now, my son (3 in 2 weeks) is going through a lovely phase (alongside horrible terrible two phases). he has been obsessed with a small acoustic guitar for a year now, but has expanded also into other instruments. Often several at one go. Trumpet, flute, drums. He plays concerts, and is quite a rocker (yes, you can rock to Jingle Bells, but his favorite is "I Follow/Deep Sea"). And because kids are quite creative, not only this, but the concerts now take place in our storage room, a tiny room where we have our washing maschine and junk crammed in. And now also "the band", and me. Life with kids never gets boring...or keeps you sitting on the sofa.

Raven mom - rabenmutter

In Germany, there's a lovely concept for all moms who do not stay at home with their kids: Rabenmutter. When I first moved to Germany in 2001, I first heard of this concept at a work event. I didn't have kids at the time, but there was a young woman who made a statement about women having their place with their kids - and my blood boiled. 13 years and 3 kids later, my blood still boils, but I have been infected / socialized, and now suffer from guilt. I have not changed what I think is best for myself and our family sanity and harmony because of this guilt, but seeing all the moms with their babies day in, day out - and then toddlers, year in, year out - and then older school-aged children, afternoon in, afternoon out (German state schools only run until lunch) makes me feel like I am a failed mom. Not a failed employee (although I struggle..), not a failed partner and woman, not a failed me. But a failed "24-hour" mom. Some days, when the system is so much against a mother working, when we pay such a sillily high financial price for putting our kids in full-day (private) school, and for paying for a babysitter to cover late afternoons - and when my job situation in this city is, well, not optimal, it's simply tough to believe it makes sense to fight for my own fulfillment, what makes our family life more balanced, for being a more active member of this society, and for doing the things I want to do. That I have worked so hard to do. There are still too few dads out there, although we live in an area that is quite progressive. There's still too much imbalance. And too much guilt, in my own head.

Beyond Work and Family is...me?

Most of this blog has been about family or work (or lack of good work). My claim to write about "other life" has been covered in less than a handful of posts, and most have been about the city I live in (Berlin). Which is strange, because my days involve much other than family and work. Is it that I don't define myself as something beyond being an employee and mother? Or is this other more mundane, eclectic, and perhaps even personal? All of the films I watch, and books I read, that I'd love to make noise about and share because they are so amazing. All of the cafes I visit, because they make a cappuccino nearly as good as the best Viennese melanges (and offer delicious French tartes on top of it). The art I love looking at, the mundane little details I come across. I realize that most blogs by women involve such issues (plus many I have zero idea and not much interest in, such as fashion, decorating etc.). I think i write about these issues so little because carrying them out involves a strange guilt in me. It makes me realize how luxurious my life is. And these are not issues that are considered "productive", in a child-rearing and employment sense. This thought made me angry today, at myself primarily, because in reality, I am probably 50x more productive when not sitting at an office all day long. I am, i have to admit, also somehow more fulfilled by the diversity. My view is not so narrow, there is no limit to what is relevant or allowed. There is room for creativity, of the mind at the least. But I am also restless, perhaps because I lack that numbing routine. Maybe the aim of these weeks, months, this time is to learn to embrace this restlessness. Embrace what is also "me".

Productivity at the Office - Workers, Get Out! (a bit)

A few weeks ago, Germany's new (female) employment minister, a Social Democrat (with a small child) publicly called for the end to pointless office hours. Note "pointless", not "office hours without qualification". She got ridiculed by much of the press, but I support her argumentation: not all jobs require rigid presence in one location, and productivity may not be very high - not to mention compatability with "family" or "life outside of work" (yes, there should be such a thing, in addition to 4-5 hours of sleep!). I personally like going to the office each day - it provides structure, and keeps me from procrastinating on such "productive" things such as grocery shopping, doing the laundry, or cleaning out random boxes. On the other hand, my brain goes into passive mode if I don't move a lot, and sitting at a computer (or in a useless meeting) makes me lethargic and as unproductive as can be. Let me read a newspaper, take a walk outside, or have a run on the treadmill (or, post-3 children, better still a walk at this stage...), and I can vent unproductive lethargy and frustration, and put things into a bigger picture - and be more creative and useful this way. Is a lunchbreak (if allowed) sufficient for this? Unfortunately not, as at least in my case, it's simply too short to wind down, re-energize, and have creative energy and thoughts. Plus it's rigidly timed. What's the solution? It of course depends on the job and company, but at least in my field (mainly brain-work, and networking), getting OUT of the office as much as possible, and to activate at times also some unusual connections (a la 10% google creative productivity time) seems ideal. It's just like parenting, or sitting at home all day long: at the office computer, you lose perspective. Whereas at home that corner of junk becomes "oh so important", at the office some random, irrelevant detail will become all-consuming. I'm not proposing full freedom for employees, but to sillily paraphrase "workers, unite!" (a bit), "office workers, get out!" (a bit).

Moral Imperatives for Development Aid

The last newspaper I read in 2013 (Sueddeutsche Zeitung) closed with an overview of the year (a rather poor one), but interestingly, out of a dozen topics, development aid got mentioned as one of the first. It's usually a topic that very few Germans care about, and is the biggest conversation killer when I've responded I work in the field when someone at a dinner party asks "so what do you do?" (you'd think I'd have responded that I dust archives for a living).

Even stranger was that, on the last day of my office job officially (which I quit, for those who do not follow this blog regularly) was that nearly all of the text was about the end of "moral motivations" for development aid. "Even" Bono (whose NGO I worked for last year) had in an early 2013 TED-Talk had argued that it's about "facts", not just swooshy "moral". The article ended with the conclusion that development aid is now all "business" in terms of process and perhaps even ends, a la Warren Buffet and Bill Gates.

In an article from yesterday (in 2014 - happy new year, by the way) that my husband was reciting for me in the evening when the kids were in bed (yes, our life can be like this - us nerds reading out sections from the NYT and Economist to each other…), William Easterly (a development expert and professor) was doing some serious Jeffrey Sachs bashing (economist, head of a university institute and also development expert). Nothing new (between the two), except that again the notion of "aid as evil" cropped up (Sachs believes aid can provide a kick-start to development or fix inhibitors, Easterly thinks this is simplistic and even detrimental crap, to provide a nutshell overview).

These articles made me angry. I notice I get angry about such issues more and more often, and for the following reason: right hand slapping left hand, shooting yourself in your own foot, or whatever metaphor would be suitable along these lines. Am I seriously sitting here, in a rich developing country, thinking that "helping" (aka moral motivation for development aid) is perhaps evil, and I should be coming up with amazing investment strategies and trade regulation changes instead? In my own little "bubble" (global health - which is health policy for developing countries), yes, I believe that getting patents and pharmaceutical companies to react to developing country markets and needs, on the conditions that they can pay for, is important. But if there is one pregnant woman dying, one infant dying at birth, one child at risk at getting HIV during pregnancy or birth (or breastfeeding) from its positive mother, do I think trade deals, financial incentives, and systemic changes - or do I think "just help NOW, do whatever is possible, save this one life and prevent suffering!".

It's the latter that dominates. It's what links me, as a human being, to another human being, no matter where they are born or live, or under what circumstances. It's definitely not the connection that we share to something called a financial market, intellectual property, or optimizing business processes. Or for the matter of fact, "facts".