Thoughts of
a working mother!
When a
friend recently asked me if I want to write a guest blog for her blog on
work-life balance of a working mother, I was suddenly intrigued. I am not much
of a writer, however have spent much of my last year complaining about being a
full time working mum to most of my friends and it occurred to me that this may
give me closure. A bit like not being able to sleep at night and writing down
your thoughts, maybe putting my opinion down in this blog my help me accept my
situation and just get on with it. So
here goes, even if it just for personal therapeutic reasons.
To give you
a bit of background on myself, I am a mother of a wonderful 2 year old boy who
I love to bits. Before him I was working in the event industry, working on one event after another and
traveling around the world. I loved my job and was defined by it. Me and my
then boyfriend of 10 years (now husband)
decided that it was time for a change and maybe we should try for a family. I
had it all planned out ( I plan everything and stick to my plans rigidly). We
were going to have one baby and I was going to stay home for a year and then go
back to work part time for 3 years before we have another, final baby. I was
really looking forward to the change of pace and walking around parks, reading books
on park benches while my beautiful baby boy slept peacefully. Then I was going
to go back to work half days. Working in the family business would allow me to
have the best of both worlds, some adult time with adult responsibilities and
some quality time with my child in the afternoon. It was a great plan but
sometimes life doesn’t go to plan.
Having just
returned to work on a part time basis, my father died and it became very clear
that my perfect plan needed amending. I was going to have to go back to work
full time. I must add at this point that
I was raised by a nanny while my parents worked hard to give us everything.
While I understand that that is the path they chose, I always said that I
wanted to do things differently and would not employ a nanny to look after my
own child. So off my son went to kindergarten, which he thankfully really
enjoys, and off I went to work.
I am usually in the office by 07:30 am and by then,I
have dressed myself and my child, fed him breakfast, gone to the bakery and
dropped him off at kindergarten and gotten myself to work. By the time I get to
my desk I often feel like a have a full day behind me. When I leave work at
16:00 to pick him up from daycare, I am
usually hedging a plan of what kind of entertainment I can fill the rest of the
afternoon with to make up for the time I have not spent with my child. After
dinner and bath time, my husband takes him off my hands and handles bedtime,
for which I am very thankful.
So its
usually 19:00 before I can even think about anything for myself. By this point
I have no more energy, all I want is food, a bath and some mind numbing tv. But
its not the daily routine that gets to me, it’s the lack of escape. Monday-
Friday I am running around trying to catch my tail and on the weekend we are in
full family mode : zoo, playground swimming ect. I really miss some me time. I
used to go to the gym and look after myself (manicures, pedicures ect) and now
I come last….way behind everything else, which basically means it never happens.
Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change my family for the world, I would just like
to read a magazine ONCE in peace. Never happens unless I have to travel for
work and that’s a whole other chapter.
Working
full time and having a family can be done and I do it, I am just not sure its
something to aspire to. I know, how awfully anti-feminist of me, but every time
I look at some well groomed, together mother I always think “how does she do
it, when does she find time to put on her makeup?”. My child is now 2, I am past the “I am a new
mother so I cant be bothered to get out of my pjs” phase. I want to return to
being something like a was before but I cant seem to find the time do to so. And just when I start to question myself
someone usually tells me “oh you mean her? She doesn’t work”…..ah so that’s it
then. I am not useless or incapable of doing it all. I am just measuring myself
by the wrong people. I guess all the full time working mothers aren’t out and
about sitting in cafes looking their best, but probably driving around in their
dirty SUV’s trying get their shopping done in 5 mins in a petrol station with a
screaming child in tow. So yeah maybe I should just be less hard on
myself…eventually it will get easier as my child gets more independent, just in
time to have another one….my master plan lives on!
This made me laugh - and also brought tears to my eyes. It so well reflects the reality of a working mom, and a mom of a small child - it's a combination of daily grind, and a world of extremes (and yes: with no "third dimension" extreme for yourself). Our 2-year old boys are the same age, so we're living this in parallel (unfortunately in different countries). But one thing I can add, as a mom of also 5 and 6-year old children is that the own time factor eases up at around 3-4 years, when suddenly, the kids start spending 2-3 hours among each other happily, or on their own, or alone at a friend's place without you having to accompany them (and even a night if you're lucky!). But yes, some of you may be reading this comment, and putting 2+2 together with the "plan to have a second child after 3 years". Just when the child becomes independent and you have a breather, you're in it for a second round - and perhaps a third and fourth. How comforting is that: in 6 or 9 (!) years, you will have 1-2 hours of peaceful, own time on a regular basis to read and relax.... I hope it just makes you laugh, because there's nothing other that you can do :)
ReplyDelete