Fly High - and Land Low

Prologue: I hope that all of you have read my first guest blog from yesterday - I'm thrilled to have one, and can't wait to respond. And I hope that this will start a trend, where a few other readers will share their views - and sometimes, as is the case for myself, become more aware of one's views when writing them. The bar here is not high - it's often just 5 minutes of letting out steam, or daydreaming...and believe me, it's a fun process. So please do share your story or thoughts if you like. But before I respond...

I have had a great two weeks, a real ego boost, and so many opportunities to meet new people and learn new things that my head is spinning. I finally got some budget to travel, so I visited some of our key partners and team in London, as well as Brussels. I finally felt like I was offering some real value-added, and felt like I was fitting in better, after some bumpy weeks before. I moderated a really cool panel on malaria for World Malaria Day. At the same time, it all felt surreal: Here I am, not any different from a year ago as a person, in terms of my skills and competencies. But just because I'm affiliated to an organization, so many doors are open, I'm a somebody. It's a wonderful feeling, but also such a huge shame: how all these wonderful, skilled women who work from home are not valued sufficiently by society, not invited to provide all the expertise they have - and they have so much. We need to do something about this.

In any case, I've been flying high, in other words - and it has done my ego wonders. But, as life goes, you fly high to eventually land low. I had one of these experiences yesterday. I had been invited to attend a fancy, small (20-person) work dinner, with one of the main German news anchormen. It was a mixed group of people (fields, gender), but one thing quickly became clear: the elder, German men dominated, and the discussion was one where they spoke with each other, and everyone else was expected to listen. Attempts at interventions were mostly ignored, or sometimes politely quickly skimmed over - just to return to the closed conversation. Over a three-course meal and three hours, my mood deteriorated quickly. There was no openness to find out who the rest of us were, there was absolutely zero interest for what I do (development policy), and worst of all: there was no opportunity to just have smaller-group conversations with other participants. It was a reminder, after all this work thrill, after all this Lean In-thrill: in Germany, at least, it's the older, white, German men who dominate, and the rest of us are: nobodys (at least for them!).