Conversations - 6

Q / Did your parents both work when you were a child? Whom do you consider to have been your primary caretakers?

 

A / Yes - they both worked and I consider my parents to have been my primary caretakers. I think my mum worked part-time when I was really small but my memories are generally of my dad working part-time and doing his PhD and my mum working hard. She did weekly commutes when I was age 12-15 so my dad and I used to be home alone from monday - thursday at least. 

 

Q / In your teens, did you ever have a dream of what your life would be like in terms of career and/or children?

 

A / I don't remember having a clear dream, definitely not in terms of family. Since we had a very close, small family, I think I almost took for granted that that was how my life was going to be one day. In terms of work, I think I had vague dreams of being some sort of UN official but I don't think I focused much on the long term future actually. Other dreams that popped up from time to time were being a pop star or a musician!

 

Q / To what extent have you fulfilled these dreams from above? Do parts still remain a dream but not a reality? Have you acquired new dreams for the years to come?

 

A / Since I didn't have very clear dreams it's hard to say! I try to act on my dream of being a pop star / musician in a low key way - in London by being in a choir and here in Malmö, I sing in a band at work which performs at various staff parties - loads of fun!!! My current work-related dream is to find a job that I really love which I'll feel passionate about. I don't dream about being a UN official anymore though :)

 

Q / If you work, are you satisfied with what you do? Please explain.

 

A / Overall I would say that I'm satisfied with what I do but I've never found a job that I've been really passionate about - I tend to find myself in the situation where i like my job overall, but find certain things frustrating. I've moved to a smaller city because I want a "small-city lifestyle" and with that comes a different choice of jobs (no government departments or intl organisations). What I like about working in a council is that you're closer to the people you are trying to help but on the other hand it is a bit less strategic. It's fun to try to get more strategy and analysis into the council though, even if it doesn't always work... (which at times is frustrating!) I love the flexibility of my job - apart from having quite a few meetings, I can more or less choose when I do my work and catch up in the evenings if I need to. 

 

Q / If you have children, is life with children how you expected it would be? Please explain.

 

A / I'm not sure what I expected from life with children but I'm finding it amazing. The love I feel for P is a feeling I can't really explain. I think we've been fantastically luck so far (good sleeper, never really been ill, hasn't got to terrible twos stage yet...) so it's been less difficult than I expected and more rewarding. I definitely feel tired sometimes but rarely desperately. It's great to see him grow and change, scary to see him copying me/us all the time and it's nice to get to play every day! 

I enjoyed maternity leave but thought that 7 months was just right and I was ready to go back to work after that (although the first two weeks were hard!). Quite a few people expressed surprise about the fact that I wanted to go back to work which I just shows how strong gender roles still are - who would question whether a dad was ready to back to work after his 2 weeks of paternity leave at birth?

Now I work full-time but since I've got a flexible job I can leave early two days a week and pick P up at 3 which gives me some really valuable time with him during the week. I think the fact that my husband and I and I share household and childcare 50:50 makes a huge difference - it means we can both get away to go to the gym / to a restaurant / go away for the weekend if we want to and we never really argue about those things because one of us feels we've got a greater burden. 

 

Q / Please write a short blurb on whether you work (and if yes, in what field and with what types of working times), whether you have children (and if yes, whether they are in daycare etc), and whether you have any particular hobbies. If you would like, state which country currently live in.

 

A / I work full-time in the head office of the local council (40hrs a week, but flexibly and some times in the evenings to make up for picking up early from nursery). I have one child, age 20 months and he's in childcare 35hrs a week. At the moment I'm trying to get fit for skiing so I've joined a circuit training class but otherwise I prefer to go swimming. In the summer I try to go sailing regularly. I live in Sweden - by the sea :)

Conversations - 5

Q / Did your parents both work when you were a child? Whom do you consider to have been your primary caretakers?

 

A / My father has always worked full-time, but being one of the most practically balanced people I know, rarely worked overtime, and never on weekends in my recollections. He was a very active father, spending a lot of time with us playing, doing sports, reading and baking (including the best bread rolls ever!). My mother was mostly a stay-at-home mom, as that's what most moms in Austria were in the 1980s. She ran most of the household, at least in terms of arranging hobbies, playdates, sewing our halloween costumes, cooking and cleaning. Highly educated, she worked part-time for some time when we moved back to Finland, where all women worked, but dropped out of work again later on. We rarely had babysitters to help out, and never had a nanny. My grandparents died when I was very young, and our relatives did not live close by.

Q / In your teens, did you ever have a dream of what your life would be like in terms of career and/or children?

 

A / I had ambitious dreams for my career, and a clear plan for children. On the latter, I wanted two, and wanted to have children in my mid-20s. When I lived in Finland as a teen, I wanted to become a journalist, a political journalist. At some point, I dreamed of becoming President (Finland at the time had a female candidate, and later a female President). We then moved back to Austria when I was 15, and my mother tongue skills deteriorated. I didn't know where I would have a place in the political system. I shifted towards arts, but although I loved being in the art room, and spent a lot of time doing art at home, I was worried about the creative pressure in doing art as a job. 

 

Q / To what extent have you fulfilled these dreams from above? Do parts still remain a dream but not a reality? Have you acquired new dreams for the years to come?

 

A / I had my first child with 26, exactly as planned. My second child was born when I was 28, but we ended up wanting a third one. I never tried my luck in journalism, but studied politics. I felt lost with how to implement my knowledge in the area for very many years, and have only recently found what I am interested in doing (improving health in developing countries). I at some point took a break and applied to art school, thinking I at least need to give a shot at what made me so happy as a teen, but I didn't get in. I still dream about doing art, but unfortunately don't do it. I used to dream more. And have more hopes. I still consider myself very naive. Reality is much more challenging that I had expected it to be. 

 

Q / If you work, are you satisfied with what you do? Please explain.

 

A / I absolutely love the content of my work (health). And I like how it is embedded into a broader picture, which involves politics, development, conflicts, economics..it's a never ending puzzle to comprehend. I learn something new each day, but struggle with implementing my knowledge to have an impact. There's still a long way to go in terms of finding "how I want to do what I do". I'd also like to build up a second career leg with art, in my wild dreams.  

 

Q / If you have children, is life with children how you expected it would be? Please explain.

 

A / I was absolutely shocked with how strenuous the first weeks and months were in terms of lack of sleep and lack of freedom. My kids were particularly difficult as babies, and clung to my breast 24/7. I was also surprised how isolating it is to be at home with a baby. I never enjoyed mommy-groups, and missed studying or working. I also didn't realize how much debate and struggle there would be. Again, being naive, I thought I would simply be the boss and the kids would happily follow. It's been a good lesson, but I'm still learning to have to give in, to accept different ways, and accept all the chaos and noise that kids bring with them. With the third child, I felt overwhelmed. I for the first time realized that I have to accept a lot of help, if I am to manage the first years healthy and sane. It taught me that I don't need to do everything, I cannot do the jobs of 10 people while being sleep deprived and needed as a mother. More importantly, I learned to take distance from being a mother frequently. Of course I'm always the mom, and always there when needed (e.g. during illnesses), but I learned that I also need my own space, my own inspirations, time, and opportunity to do things that are not child-compatible but making me very happy (such as reading a newspaper in a cafe, or meeting friends for a glass of wine). 

Q / Please write a short blurb on whether you work (and if yes, in what field and with what types of working times), whether you have children (and if yes, whether they are in daycare etc), and whether you have any particular hobbies. If you would like, state which country currently live in.

 

A / I am currently looking for paid work, but in practice am doing a lot of the same things that I did when at an office job. I read, I follow topics in my field, I go to events. I wish I could produce something out of what I am learning, but haven't yet figured out how or what. I have kept my "working times" from 9am to 6pm free, and usually "work" from 9 to 3, and then have "own time" (cafes, newspapers, gym) until 6. My husband commutes, so from 6-9pm I have time with the children, and then usually doodle around on the computer again.  My children are in full-day care/school, which runs until 6pm, but we have a babysitter that picks the youngest up at 3pm, and the older two after their hobbies (at school). I read a lot, like going to museums (contemporary art), spend a lot of time drinking cappuccinos, and go to the gym. I live in Berlin. 

Conversations - 4

> Q / Did your parents both work when you were a child? How did your parents divide household and childcare tasks?
>  
> A / Yes, when I was a child my father worked full-time and mom started working also full-time before I went to school (I don`t know how old I was…oops). My parents had very flexible working hours and we had a nanny if they needed to work both at the same time. What comes to household and childcare tasks, hmmmm, I would say the split the tasks in a rather traditional way: mom did most of the tasks in the household and was there for us (e.g. I don`t remember my dad taking care of us when we were sick) and my dad did those tasks that demanded "male power and masculine viewpoint". However, my dad is much better in cooking than my mom, and he prepares all the difficult dishes. As I am the youngest of four children, I cannot say much about the baby time. I think my dad was a big support for my mom during that time. He e.g. took care of the bottle-feeding of my sister as my mom had a breast infection. He also carried my brother (crybaby) all night long (and wrote his master thesis the same time) so that my mom could get some sleep.
>  
> Q / In your teens, did you ever have a dream of what your life would be like in terms of career and/or children?
>  
> A /Yes, and I have been wondering what happened to that dream. My dream was very conservative and I want today much more of my life. I just said to my husband that it would be great if my daughters would want to become a president when they grow up. All I wanted was four children and to become an art teacher. :D
>  
> Q / To what extent have you fulfilled these dreams from above? Do parts still remain a dream but not a reality? Have you acquired new dreams for the years to come?
>  
> A / I have two lovely daughters and we don`t plan to get more kids, at least not yet ;) My professional goals are totally different and I`m even mad at those adults who did not give me any guidance in professional goal-setting or even an idea how different professions are and what you need to study in order to get into such positions. 
>  
> Q / If you work, are you satisfied with what you do? Please explain.
>  
> A / At the moment I`m looking for a job and hoping to be satisfied both at home and in my profession.
>  
> Q / If you have children, is life with children how you expected it would be? Please explain.
>  
> A / Life with children is wonderful but I had no idea that I would be struggling with issues such as balancing between home and work. Perhaps this has something to do with my cultural background and living now in a country where most of the moms stay at home.

> Q / Please write a short blurb on whether you work (and if yes, in what field and with what types of working times), whether you have children (and if yes, whether they are in daycare etc), and whether you have any particular hobbies. If you would like, state which country currently live in.

> A / I`m living currently in Switzerland and am looking for a new professional challenge in the field of corporate communications. My two children are three days per week in daycare (part-time from 9am to 3pm) and according to my fellow moms I should be grateful that I managed to get that place for them. Childcare is very badly organized and expensive in Switzerland. I have two free nights per week and during that free time I`m singing and doing some sports.

Conversations - 3

Q / Did your parents both work when you were a child? How did your parents divide household and childcare tasks?

 

A / my mom worked as a certified nurse and studied for a master's degree when she was expecting me. When I was born the majority of child care and housework was hers, later even more so with my dad participating less by his choice (his career was progressing really well). My mom stayed at home for a year or so and then did occasional work shifts as a nurse while I was watched by neighboring family friends. After I was about 5 years old and my brother 3, my mom went back to work full time, and us kids started kindergarten and after-kinderg. small group, family-based daycare. When my family lived abroad for a total of 5 years my mom stayed at home which was initially a requirement for diplomat spouses. But she was still very active, continuing her uni. studies to post-grad level, freelance writing, vontueering etc. When we moved back she continued her career without problems. The only dent is in her future pension.

 

Q / In your teens, did you ever have a dream of what your life would be like in terms of career and/or children?

 

A / yes, I was a big dreamer! I visioned myself as a mom of two boys (came true!), living abroad (that too!), and working in a creative, artsy field (finally kind of happening). I didn't dream of riches or fame but of a life of passion for my work and family.

 

Q / To what extent have you fulfilled these dreams from above? Do parts still remain a dream but not a reality? Have you acquired new dreams for the years to come?

 

A /  yes, it's pretty cool to see now that a large, the most important part actually, has come true! Parts do remain a dream though and new bits have been added. I find I daydream a whole lot less though since the here and now is so intense, and fulfilling. I should dream a bit more, I feel.

 

Q / If you work, are you satisfied with what you do? Please explain.

 

A / yes, recently started a new position at the same workplace. Lots of potential with this job, feels like it's 'me' but the start is still hectic with a vast array of skills to be picked up or refined.

 

Q / If you have children, is life with children how you expected it would be? Please explain.

 

A / yes, I do haave kids and it's pretty much as incredibly rewarding and fun, and challenging and exhausting as I imagined. But actually less exhausting than I anticipated! Kids give so much energy as well.

Q / Please write a short blurb on whether you work (and if yes, in what field and with what types of working times), whether you have children (and if yes, whether they are in daycare etc), and whether you have any particular hobbies. If you would like, state which country currently live in.

A / I live in Asia, work a 30h week with 75% salary, eldest is in daycare 3h daily, younger child with live-in nanny. Husband works intense hours and 24/7 responsibilities so we need my schedule to be the more flexible one. Husband works from home though which makes a big difference. Both of us have commutes of 0 minutes since my office space is next door. Our nanny is a huge help, especially during my husband's frequent work trips. We work for an NGO with relatively flexible staff policies but the downside is both of us have low salaries which don't limit our lives but cause constant prioritizing and budgeting (and some limits to making some of those more expensive travel etc. dreams to happen). The whole package called Our Life is pretty intense now but we are very blessed in so many ways. Wouldn't have it any other way!

"Conversations" - 2

Q / Did your parents both work when you were a child? Whom do you consider to have been your primary caretakers?

 

A /Yes, both my parents worked very long hours when I was a child. From the age of one I was in full time childcare, and when I began primary school I was in "aftercare" every day until 6pm. My primary carer from the age of 7 - 15 was my maternal grandfather.

 

Q / In your teens, did you ever have a dream of what your life would be like in terms of career and/or children?

 

A /I never thought about children as part of my plan, but I was very ambitious, planning to be various things from an architect, to an actress to the prime minister of Australia. I was certain that I wanted to study and that I would have a PhD by the time I was 30 and speak four languages. At the same time though I was very involved in making art and towards the end of my teens that became my primary focus.

 

Q / To what extent have you fulfilled these dreams from above? Do parts still remain a dream but not a reality? Have you acquired new dreams for the years to come?

 

A / Well I am still a practicing artist, and that is my primary occupation, so I have achieved that goal, although without any of the stability that is usually associated with success, but all of the mobility! I was awarded my PhD when I was 27 so I can tick that one, but I speak three out of the four languages badly, so I think I was a bit unrealistic. I think much more about the possibility of having a family now than I did then, but I haven't really made any steps in that direction as it seems incompatible with my career as an artist at the moment.

 

Q / If you work, are you satisfied with what you do? Please explain.

 

A / I love the challenge that my work presents me and I get an enormous amount of satisfaction from directing my own research and seeing the results made public. That said, I find it very difficult to be so invested in such a precarious career, and the fact that it impacts on my ability to build more of a homelife, which I would like.

 

Q / How do you think having children would affect your career goals currently and in the future?

 

A / At this point I think it would mean the end of my career as an artist and the beginning of life as a full-time university lecturer. As I only have yearly residence permits in Germany, I think it would be difficult for me to obtain government support, although I'm not sure about that. So it might mean leaving Germany, which has been my home for five years, in order to seek reliably paid work. At the moment it feels like that is all too much of a sacrifice. If I became more successful financially as an artist I might be able to manage it - basically I could only have children if I could afford full time childcare.

 Q / Please write a short blurb on whether you work (and if yes, in what field and with what types of working times), whether you have children (and if yes, whether they are in daycare etc), and whether you have any particular hobbies. If you would like, state which country currently live in.

A / I am a self-employed artist living in Berlin, although currently on a residency in Milan, and I earn money through a combination of sales of artworks, public and private project grants, artist fees from museums and galleries for exhibiting works, and occasional lecturing in universities. I am currently supported by a year-long fellowship. I have no fixed working hours at all - I structure my day entirely based on what kind of work I need to do, which is determined on a project-by-project basis.