Working Pro Bono - Where's the Thanks and Credit?

Many of us have been involved in school associations or university clubs, without ever thinking that we should somehow be financially compensated. Some of us who work are still involved in associations - political, communal, or educational - in addition to our paid work time. I've been involved in a number of groups throughout my working life, including university alumni associations, the Finnish church association, mentoring students, and our school parent association. With an increasing load at work, and with a salary, I have found it increasingly frustrating to be involved in such volunteer-based groups. It's a constant weighting of benefits and costs, and nearly always the costs have far outweighed the benefits. The biggest cost is time. These groups eat up immense amounts of time, and as they usually involve flat / democratic structures, they require a lot of coordination - with many people who do not believe in concepts such as efficiency, time management, or solution-/output-oriented work. I have often felt like if I don't take most of the workload onto my shoulders, nothing moves ahead.

Right now, I'm working on a (paid) project where I feel the same. It's a coordination project, with a group of people who are not used to working quickly, but who enjoy long discussions. If there's one thing I am not: patient. I want decisions. I want things to move on. And in order to move things ahead, I have been doing far more than my contractual role. I fulfilled my contractual tasks and hours a long time ago, and all the work that I've been doing lately is purely: pro bono. So why do I do it? Because of all the thanks I get? Most of my work gets used in someone else's name. I will not be likely to get any credit. Because of the fun process? It's tedious, and I've been awfully frustrated. And diplomatic skills are just as high on my asset list as is patience. Because it's an investment? This is unfortunately not a network building or learning project. Or simply because I'm a working animal? And because at the end of the day, although I complain about my indecent hourly income (currently very much on the negative), money doesn't make the world go around.  

But as with all the volunteering, mentoring etc I do: a little thanks and credit for my investment wouldn't hurt. Is that too much to ask for?

What Makes You Go F&%"ng Nuts as a Parent?

Today a cross-post from my other (co-authored) blog. The question was what makes one go f%"§/%ng nuts as a parent, drawing on a New York Times article. I came up with a list of 10, and would look forward to some entries in the comment section there through all of you:

http://hongkong-berlin.blogspot.de/2014/04/fing-nuts.html#comment-form

Being there for friends - in good times, in bad times...

(Another sing-along title. Please, enjoy, and remember all those karaoke evenings with old-fashione tape players and booklets!)

I had lunch with a friend of mine recently (yes, I do lots of lunches!), and she told me about a girly weekend - away from her three kids (who have the same ages as mine do). We agreed that there's not much that beats such get-aways for us moms. And her conclusion was that these friendships are what really count in life. The love, the support, walking this path called life together. I agree.

Some of my friends have gone through very difficult phases in the past years. And I'm not talking about "oh how my work is not working out" phases that I complain about, but real life and death phases. Every single time, it's a reminder of what really counts in life. You, my dear friends, and your happiness, which grows when I hear about it. And those difficult phases - they thankfully pass. Or time heals. I have such strong friends. Always inspiring.

Knock Knock, and The Door Opens

When One Door Closes…

…Some other door may open. I’ve knocked on a handful in the past three months, so far to no real avail. In some way, I’ve been knocking on the same door that I myself closed. At times I have knocked just to check whether anyone is still there, at times I have been ready to step back through if the door would open. A few times, it has opened a crack, and either I have decided to close it again, or the person on the other side has closed it for me.

But while waiting, I also saw another door, and knocked on that as well. The door was a strange one, because I could choose where it would lead. Before opening, I needed to convince the people with the key that I knew where I was going. It sounds a bit like Alice in Wonderland.

In this story, Alice had a couple of weeks to think about what she really wanted to do. What is the real value-added that I can offer? A trained generalist, who decided to specialize in infectious diseases in developing countries. Who opened that door years ago, got her foot in, and has been nudging her way forward. But feeling like the tunnel I was walking through, at times elbowing through, more like crawling through, was getting narrower and lower and fuller. I love this space, but I have not been successful in creating MY space in this area.

So I sat down, walked around, walked the treadmill, and talked to lots of friends. I blogged endless, endless pages. And right now, this is where I can offer value. This is what I want to change in the world right now. I want to continue my small part in saving lives, and decreasing unnecessary suffering. It’s what tears at my heart, and what I believe in. But in order to carve out my space, I need to work on these skills for a while, and to change how the tunnel works.

A new door has opened, and I look forward to walking through, and hopefully after this passage, be able to open another door to the room that I feel I belong to. And I hope that I will then walk into a space that allows me to grow.

Life – or at least careers – are rarely linear. At least mine hasn’t been. I look forward to this detour. Who knows where it will take me.

Dress to Impress - but don't forget to really impress

At home, I'm one of those no-make-up, pulled-whatever-I-found-out-of-the-closet, no-jewelry, wearing-my-grandma-slippers types. When I go to events or go out, I try to at least cover the black and bags under my eyes, and check that my clothes are neat and match. And not surprisingly, wearing my "work armor" (some makeup, jewelry, a suit, a nice scarf) makes me feel more comfortable in my "work" role.

A friend of mine who used to work from home once told me that she learned to go into "work mode" by getting dressed properly and working in a designated "work space" in her home. Before she'd been working in her PJs, and work and other life had gotten mixed up. I feel that way with being dressed for work. I don't overdress, nor do I wear fancy, expensive clothes or jewelry, but it's a symbolic change - and I change back when I get back home (also because I feel sweaty in suit jackets, and having three young kids would end in daily trips to the dry-cleaner…).

My husband, who works in the private sector, tells me how "work armor" plays a large role among his colleagues. It's not only about looking neat, but having polished, expensive shoes (think House of Cards), a flashy watch (perhaps not a Rolex, but also not a Swatch), and well-fitting suit. He's thankfully more like me - trying to look neat and fit into client expectations, but not really caring about whether something is expensive (and finding such expenditure slightly or very useless).

Clothes may provide that first-second impression, but after that first second, any well-dressed woman needs to open her mouth and prove that there's content behind the shell. Dress to impress may only take you as far as becoming a nice receptionist, but what really impresses is beyond any watch, shoeshine and LV-scarf….