When One Door Closes…
…Some other door may open. I’ve knocked on a handful in the
past three months, so far to no real avail. In some way, I’ve been knocking on
the same door that I myself closed. At times I have knocked just to check
whether anyone is still there, at times I have been ready to step back through
if the door would open. A few times, it has opened a crack, and either I have
decided to close it again, or the person on the other side has closed it for
me.
But while waiting, I also saw another door, and knocked on
that as well. The door was a strange one, because I could choose where it would
lead. Before opening, I needed to convince the people with the key that I knew
where I was going. It sounds a bit like Alice in Wonderland.
In this story, Alice had a couple of weeks to think about
what she really wanted to do. What is the real value-added that I can offer? A
trained generalist, who decided to specialize in infectious diseases in
developing countries. Who opened that door years ago, got her foot in, and has
been nudging her way forward. But feeling like the tunnel I was walking
through, at times elbowing through, more like crawling through, was getting
narrower and lower and fuller. I love this space, but I have not been
successful in creating MY space in this area.
So I sat down, walked around, walked the treadmill, and
talked to lots of friends. I blogged endless, endless pages. And right now,
this is where I can offer value. This is what I want to change in the world
right now. I want to continue my small part in saving lives, and decreasing
unnecessary suffering. It’s what tears at my heart, and what I believe in. But
in order to carve out my space, I need to work on these skills for a while, and
to change how the tunnel works.
A new door has opened, and I look forward to walking
through, and hopefully after this passage, be able to open another door to the
room that I feel I belong to. And I hope that I will then walk into a space
that allows me to grow.
Life – or at least careers – are rarely linear. At least
mine hasn’t been. I look forward to this detour. Who knows where it will take
me.
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