Sawdust, Sauna, Beer

This evening has felt incredibly satisfying. I haven't read a good book, been to the theatre, eaten out at a great restaurant, nor met friends - things I usually find very rewarding. I sawed a bunk bed into two (both girls have refused to sleep upstairs for months, and I bought a cheap wooden frame that cannot be split into two without sawing). I felt a bit jealous of our construction workers across the street, doing some physical work (sawing and sanding is strenuous if the only muscles you have left are baby-carrying biceps), with the radio playing, a post-work beer (they sadly have pre- and mid-work ones as well), and having a good Saturday sauna evening (being in Berlin, I doubt they do this). It's like the Ikea-furniture-building high I get. Too bad this job would pay a euro an hour. I would make quite a loss, paying our babysitter 8 per hour, but at least I wouldn't have my youngest as a co-worker (a one-year old can sand surprisingly well, but also hangs on your trouser leg most of the time).

Why I Love the Economist

This week's Economist has a simple but great article on the German (centre-right) goverment's plan to introduce a USD 200 benefit for stay-at-home moms (Betreuungsgeld). The article argues that this will encourage even more moms to stay out of the workforce, and also be detrimental to e.g. immigrant children, who would benefit from having German language instruction early on, as they mostly drop off the academic curve right at the start due to very poor or non-existent Gemran language skills when they start school. (Perhaps my dear education expert friend would like to write about this and its horrendous implications.) The proposed policy has been nicknamed the "oven premium" (Herdpraemie). Although I generally consider myself rather centre-left politically, I usually agree with most of the Economist's arguments, which are very liberal (centre-right, laissez faire). Maybe this is because having read the Economist for nearly 15 years now, I have simply been brainwashed. But I think this article is an example of why I find the Economist convincing: they often think some degree of governance interference is needed, but believe that the role of goverment is to open up opportunities, not to dictate and stifle these. The German government has argued that this planned benefit would encourage "freedom of choice". USD 200 (EUR 150) is a lot of money for those who could earn the minimum EUR 400 per month, and then still have to deduct a minimum of EUR 40 for a creche place (state daycare is charged per income, i.e. low earners pay close to nothing, high earners a 20-fold of this). Why bother even trying to (re-)enter the job market? As a friend of mine wrote in response to some of these German policies, these were abolished in most places already in the 1970s. Time to face 2012, Berlin!

Support Networks

All "capitalist feminists" (see post from two days ago) must have had a good laugh about my post yesterday. "You asked for it when you got kids, and more kids", they must be jeering. Well, I'm feeling more optimistic again today, as expected.

I have several times written that my blog's criticism isn't targeted at mothers who have just given birth to their first child. I thought of a parallel to the exceptional situation they are in after a chance meeting this morning. After having taken the girls to daycare, I was approached by two Finnish mothers, who both have twins, all of whom have in the past weeks moved to Berlin and have started at our girls' school.

One of the mothers was so relieved to see another Finn that she literally burst out in tears, after telling me that it's so heartbreaking to see her children (6 years old) adjust to the move. I always make an effort to help such people who have just moved into town, as I know how scary and lonely the weeks after a move can be.

This meeting reminded me of becoming a mother for the first time. It's like moving into a foreign country. You suddenly become a new person (a mother / foreigner), and have to deal with an environment and challenges that can feel very scary (e.g. sudden weight loss of an infant / adjustment problems of your children). In both cases, it takes some time to get used to the new situation. I guess the support function of people in a similar situation is worth gold to many such people. I think my skepticism towards such groups is when they become the sole social network of a person, a la the moms with the moms only, the foreigners in their respective foreign groups only...

Was This It?

I am a rather open person, as most of my friends know. Perhaps that is the Finn in me, saying what I think, and also what I feel. My friends know that I can go on quite a rant in response to the question "How are you?", and I often receive a response stating that I make too much of small issues. I guess a "Fine, thanks" would often do instead of a two-page analysis on relationships, work, and life in general.

My "rant" today will be the other side of the coin of yesterday's post, where I asked whether moms (including myself) sometimes use children as an excuse to be lazy and not even look for a job. Today's post is a more pessimistic follow-up on some of my reasoning from yesterday: it is just damn difficult to find a decent job as a mom, no matter how much passion, energy and time you invest!

Sure, there are hundreds, thousands of successful working mothers. At the dentists today, I just read Brigitte's (a German women's weekly) main story on Minu Barati, who is the (very young fifth) wife of Germany's former Foreign Minister, Joschka Fisher. She had a child at 21, but boxed her way through theatre school, internships and jobs and just produced a rather successful film. The angle was less on motherhood and work and more on work as a famous spouse, but nonetheless, yet another success story (albeit in a rather privileged situation).

I realize that I have entered a small crisis. The "Was This It?"-crisis. Will I ever find a job that I want to do, that I can do, that I would even be considered for? What an earth am I doing in a city where most jobs (the few that are here, as the labour market in Berlin is rather weak, especially for social scientists) are in effect only open to Germans? The German Federal Health Ministry in Berlin, where I interned very briefly after my studies, had once ever before employed a foreigner, and he was a second-generation Turkish immigrant! As all of us foreigners here know (and rant about), nearly-perfect German is always IMperfect German, and if you're lucky enough to make it to be considered for an interview in the first place, the first reaction is always "oh, how do you speak such good German?". Well, maybe I have spent 21 years in a German-speaking country?!?

I hope I'll be feeling more optimistic and "constructive" tomorrow.    

Countryside and "Lazy" Thoughts about Employability

I just spent a wonderful day in the countryside, at a good-bye party for a good friend. Throughout the years that I have known my friend, I have met several of her friends at various get-togethers. I have seen people have a first child, and a second, during this time - and have memories of our children meeting at parties as babies, later on as toddlers, and now as pre-school children.

What saddens me nearly as much as loosing close contact with a friend with these good-byes (this is the second within a month) is that I will not see their children, or their friends' children grow up at a pace where you recognize the child and know their quirks.

 I heard from two of these friends' friends the same old story: difficult to find decent and decently paid child-compatible work, and double the more so as a foreigner (the respective countries of residence were Germany and France).

 Independent of these stories, I was last night wondering whether motherhood makes one lazy - at least me. I feel like I run a marathon, every day. Yet on the other hand I realize I have started using this "exhaustion" as a convinient excuse not to start looking for a new project after my last one finished. I can think of several reasons for this. First, I have never really taken it very easy before. Even after kids one and two. Maybe I really am a bit exhausted. Second, I have had interesting jobs, but have - with all pregnancies, maternity leaves and other reasons - never tried or succeeded in climbing the career ladder (in terms of hierarchy). I keep wondering whether it is worth the stress to return to field zero again. Third, as mentioned in my last post: the German tax system punishes me financially (a 60 percent tax on part-time income is a punishment in my view) if I go to work at a German institution (hence one big motivation to work at tax-exempt international organizations as a married woman). Finally, it is difficult to know in advance whether an employer will be flexible with my situation: a husband who travels a lot, and three kids who, although miraculously never really ill so far, still require check-ups, have random days off due to teacher training, have long holidays, and may of course fall ill at any point in time.

 I dont think it is pessimistic to think that employers will not have serious doubts about my situation. I think it is realistic, and as long as our worklife is still organized the way it is these days, it may mean that I need to do some serious thinking about what my chances are in the labour market. At least while I refuse to put my children into 12-hour care each day, have a babysitter cover possible travels or evening meetings, and not be able to sit by their bedside when they have fever and feel miserable. I know women who do this, and they are far in their careers - and have small children. But I want the luxury of seeing my kids every day, and not just on weekends. And I want to be able to be there when they need me.