Friendship

In the past days, I have been struggling with this blog, because it doesn't feel important. I received two rather devastating (life and death) messages from two close friends, and since then, most other matters seem rather irrelevant.

It's time to look at a bigger picture, and focus on what truly matters (to me, at least): The health and happiness of friends and family.

At the end of the day, I don't think it matters whether one's friendships are with women, men, grandmas, teenagers, or other. It's enriching to have a diverse group of friends, from different geographical regions, generations, religions, sexual orientations, etc.

So far in my entries, I have been writing as if there were two (or maybe three) sets of people in the world: men, women (and women with kids). It's of course not that clear-cut in reality. I don't in daily life look at my friends and categorize them this way.

And maybe this is one problem with my blog analysis so far. I have so far written about a very limited group of people whom I encounter: moms with kids. In reality, my relationships are far more diverse, even among this group.

This blog entry turned out to be a bit of an unintended qualifier: the world is always more complex.

Yet it's also a qualifier in the opposite direction: the important things are simple. To my friends out there, you know what I mean.

 

Why is Sex Equality so Unsexy?

As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I have never been that interested in feminist theory or women's rights issues. This is partly due to the selfish fact that, so far in my life, these issues haven't affected me directly. I come from a society where women are treated pretty much the same way as men are, despite some lags in earning equality and burden sharing in the household.

A friend of mine suggested I look at the World Bank's most recent World Development Report, which is its biggest annual publication. The most recent one was on "Gender".

I leafed through the summary, and despite some statistics that should shock (inequality in educational opportunities, and in particular mortality rates of unborn children, children under five, and child-bearing women), I found the rest rather uninteresting.

The only paragraph that directly speaks to me is the following, on economic opportunities:


"Unequal access to economic opportunities. Women are more likely than men to work as unpaid family laborers or in the informal sector. ...Women entrepreneurs operate in smaller firms and less profitable sectors. As a result, women every- where tend to earn less than men."

Why are women's rights in a general sense less "sexy" than e.g. health, or education? This isn't just a personal opinion. I was at the Bank when the Gender Report was being compiled, and there was a general sigh of boredom that this topic had been chosen. A consultation meeting for German-speaking experts (the Report team consults hundreds of experts around the world in preparation for the report) was one of the worst workshops I have ever attended. The Bank's Chief Economist slept through most of it, there was no focus, and rather nonacademic, unrelated anecdotal statements were made by the participants.

I don't really have an answer to this question. I'm still not sure whether I'm passionately interested in this topic, despite writing all these blog entries. Maybe it's just that gender is difficult to understand through text and in an abstract form. Show me a man who tells his wife not to work, and bosses her around to make food and wash the dishes, and I'll be fuming in no time.

An Ode to Work - What is Work?

A friend of mine commented that my blog is rather pessimistic. It probably is, and this reflects my struggles in finding a good balance between work and family (and life beyond these two aspects).

Either there's too much work, and "general life" (including own time) suffers, as family and its needs just keep going. Or there's too much "family", e.g. when kids are sick, which means that both work and general life suffer. Or there's too little work, which is great for life and family, but...

I'd like to elaborate on this "but" in this post, and why, for me, work is so important.

First, I have been "trained" to work. School, university, summer jobs, internships etc are supposed to lead to work, or not?

Second, I have been "socialized" to work for financial reasons. Through work, one becomes independent from one's parents, remains independent from one's partner, and is not (at least fully) dependent on the state.

Third, I try to believe that, through work, the world is becoming a better place. This of course to a great extent depends on what work one does, but I can think of a broad range of jobs, from the arts to development work, that qualify.

Work can, of course, be defined very broadly, especially if financial rewards are excluded. Millions of volunteers are providing invaluable services around the world, artists are creating amazing pieces of work even if they are not being purchased, etc.

Many people would argue that "parenting" is such a job. I am unsure about this. After all my schooling, training and work, can I say that I would feel comfortable calling my role as a mother work? It is hard "work" in a broad sense, but is it work in the sense I need it to be?

P.s. If anyone can find a good read on the World Bank's presidential race, place email. The FT ran an interview with Zoellick on the weekend, and has a long article today, but these are as bland as old porridge.

Being a Parent - Being a Working Parent

It is time to make another confession: There is nothing more rewarding in life than being a parent, in my view. My blog entries so far may not quite highlight this fact, but if I were to be asked what fulfills me most in life, my answer would be: my kids.

Would I complain about my kids in the same way as I have at times complained about work? That I have hit the end of a learning curve, that I can't be bothered to deal with interpersonal problems, that it all seems a bit pointless, that colleagues are working for the wrong reasons? That I would rather try something else, something more fulfilling?

I am certain that there are many parallels between work and kids. I have in one entry said that "parenting is one of the most strenuous jobs". But those of us who are parents know that, at the end of the day, working and parenting are different worlds. That's one reason why a work-life balance is essential when you have kids: they do not mix. There's a consulting term I was trying to find online which reflects that work is mixed up and flows into non-work life. I can't find it. In practice, I guess this is the 24/7 BlackBerry availability syndrome or expectation. Even without kids, I don't think this is a healthy model. 

As a working parent these days, it's difficult to ensure that work does not encroach on your family life (too much), and that you have enough quality time with your kids (or more generally your family and friends, as a matter of fact). Which working mom hasn't taken calls on the playground, or checked work email on the iPad while "playing"? Especially in the era of smart phones, drawing a line between work and free time becomes even more difficult.

Another issue I may write about later is when family (in particular kids) flow into "work time", e.g. during illnesses or due to unexpected circumstances. 

  

Success

Lucy Kellaway is a weekly columnist at the FT, and is one reason I started thinking about writing a blog on women. I have been following her column for several years now, as it quite funnily but pointedly discusses women in leadership positions and at work.

This week's column, which is unfortunately not one of her best, is on why women in leadership positions are scary. One theory she has is that only the tough women can make it to the top, compared to the more nurturing types who do not. I dont know enough women at the top to be able to judge this, and assume the same would apply to men as well (the alpha male theory). What is "the top" anyway, and is it important?

The Economist's obituary this week is on Lyn Luci, who helped build up a hospital in Congo that treated thousands of post-rape and genital mutilation patients. Now that is as "top" as one can get, in my opinion. What is salary, prestige, membership on a board, if you are working on some lethal toxins that kill thousands?

A friend of mine recently commented that most of her female friends seem to work in rather "masculine" sectors, and have less "feminine" interests. Interestingly, I am seeing an opposite trend with my friends. After studying "masculine" subjects at some pretty prestigious universtities, and competing in male-dominated jobs, many have switched tracks, joining social, educational and even handicraft sectors. Are these friends moving "down" and not to the "top"? In political quota terms, yes. In my eyes, no. Some are discovering issues that interest them more, some are slowing the work pace in preparation for child care, some are living out the "if not now, then when?".

I should find a suitable quote on "success" to end this entry. Maybe one of my inspiring friends can send me one, and I'll add it later?