Hide Thy Children

I am today preparing for a job interview, trying to catch up on the substance as well as some upcoming events in my field (international HIV/AIDS development). But mostly, I am trying to ramp up my excitement and motivation for the interview.

Six weeks after I had my third child, I was told by my employer that I would not be able to return to work after my planned maternity leave. Because I was working as a contractor and didn't have a permanent contract, I had no leverage to argue against this decision. I was lucky to find some project work soon afterwards, and rejoin the field I had wanted to work in since specializing in it, so it all worked out for the best then.

However, my first reaction after this news was panic. I had a tiny baby, had just bought property and was moving two weeks later, and was utterly overwhelmed. I got in contact with a woman working in my field, who invited me to an interview. I was sleeping stretches of 1 - 1.5 hours, breastfeeding constantly throughout the day and night. I had to take my baby with me to the interview, because he was having a live-on-the-breast-phase. I interviewed with a baby on my breast - which was fine. But I was so exhausted, I would mid-way through my answers forget what the question had been. It was quite hilarious, actually. Surprisingly, I didn't get a job there...

Being a working mom means that these two worlds are very close, and sometimes are forced to mix. But right now, I am trying to build up the "worker" in me, and appear professional. I for the second time in my career have not mentioned my kids (the first time was to acquire my last project). I find this the saddest aspect of trying to get a job: I have to hide a side to myself that I am so proud of, that so determines who I am. But also "limits" my flexibility, dedication, and hours in practice from the perspective of a future employer. There's something that needs to happen here, in society, in the workplace. A "working mom" should be valued just as much as a "working dad".