I often face a problem with a number of my new friends, though: I would prefer being friends with their husbands. It is not that these people I more recently spend time with are not nice or intelligent people. But place me at a dinner table with them and with their partners, I find myself trying to join the conversation of the men. They discuss politics, the financial crisis, financing loans. Listen to the women: they are discussing where a new fabric is available, which online catalogue is best for buying kids' clothes...
I am lucky to have some very good male friends. But I am finding it increasingly difficult to make new male friends, whereas the number of female potentials seems to be growing exponentially during this child-rearing phase. But trying to meet a husband for "coffee" or "a drink" is, well, complicated. Suggesting this to the wives / moms is not.
Maybe female friendships at this age just take more time to develop? Maybe we start off with, well, "boring" topics, and will become deep, interesting friends for life? Wonderful! But does this mean that the men will always remain just "husbands" and "partners", and will never become stand-alone friends?
Good points there, Kats! I wonder how women would react if you'd switch topics mid-conversation or have you given it a try? Personally I've been in the 'diaper catalogue' conversation zone, quite willingly too, but oftentimes I find dads quite willing to go there too, especially first-timers. They may even initiate that discussion themselves, though that may not be surprising if they assume that's what I want to talk about. But I do know that 'stare' that women can give when you start talking politics to them on the playground... playground politics, that's fine but realtime politics is maybe not so?
ReplyDeleteI'm hopeful that the situation you describe would be remedied over time. That is, like the comment above mentions, first start on some of the low-key, get-to-know you slightly, find something in common topics, then move onto deeper conversations. Though I have to say, with some people you just don't get there. And that's okay, too, I suppose. The way I see it is that everyone plays a different role in your life, and not everyone is there to stimulate your intellect in the same ways as others may be. One just has to decide whether or not the balance of such friends, male or female, is satisfactory in one's life.
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