It's time to write about the second-most discussed parenting issue (after sleep, or lack thereof): illnesses.
Every parent discovers this wonderful universe of bugs, at the latest when the first child starts daycare, or for siblings, from day one onwards. The first year of bugs can be tough - both on the child, as well as on the parents, who usually constantly get ill as well.
Mild illnesses pose one big practical problem for a working parent: what to do with work? Imagine returning to work after a maternity leave, and then having to drop out for a week every month, because your child has an ear infection, bronchitis, fever, lice, diarrhea, an eye infection... Add the usual doctor's check-ups and jabs that you need to get in the first year, as well as any additional tests that may need to be done (e.g. sight, hearing), and multiply that by the number of children you have...
We've been incredibly lucky so far with illnesses in two respects: we haven't really had any serious ones, and one of us has been flexible with work. We've rarely been ill ourselves. But I have many friends where both parents work, and where a child has been hospitalized for weeks on end, with another sibling at home to take care of.
There are only so many sick days that you can take "for" your child here in Germany, and the rest has to go from vacation days. And an employer may not jump from joy when this vacation comes unannounced, at the worst business time.
Grandparents are a savior in such situations, and babysitters may be able to help for mild issues. But most parents just muddle through. It's tough when you're mildly ill yourself, have to take care of at least one or more energetic siblings while one is bed-ridden, and there's shopping to do, and other errands to run.
Knock on wood that we all keep experiencing only these mild illnesses (and do not have to face anything serious), and that our employers (and colleagues!) have enough understanding during these trying periods.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Role a Man Should Play
I should ask my husband to guest post his views for this topic, but I'll start off with my views - and a lot of praise.
As many of you know, I have the best husband in the world.
I am sitting at home, hibernating from some serious birch pollen counts, and he has packed up all three kids and gone off for a day trip to a lake. With kids that are 5, 4 and 1 years old, and without a car, this is no small task. And he does this frequently.
I of course manage this situation (more or less sane and exhausted) every afternoon, and also mornings before daycare and evenings whenever my husband has to travel for work (1-2 days a week). But I don't take it for granted that after a very strenuous week at work, he still makes sure that I have space and time to relax. We often meet moms at the playground on weekends who have spent the entire week with their kids, who tell us that their husbands need to rest...
The bigger picture is that we try, and I think have so far managed, to balance our roles well. (Honestly, I think I do much less at the moment, on all fronts.) We have so far alternated with our careers, which in practice means that every two years, one of us has shifted into a lower gear (part-time, study, etc.) in order to take care of the children and allow the other to work on a career (part-time career advancement doesn't work, in our opinion). We have only now, for the first time, reached a point where it doesn't appear to make sense (financially at least) to switch again - more on that later, though.
On a daily base, our life looks like two people juggling several balls - together. One makes breakfast while feeding the youngest, the other takes a shower and makes sure the older kids get ready. One does grocery shopping while the other plays with the kids, one cooks while the other cleans up with the kids, one plays with the kids while the other takes a 30-minute sanity rest (in bed, with the Economist!)...you get the picture.
I seriously don't know how I would manage such a juggling act alone. I can, for a few days, and frequently do whenever my husband has to travel for 2-3 days. But afterwards, it feels like I could sleep for 48 hours straight. I am in absolute awe whenever I think of single parents, or any (usually mom) parent who, for whatever reason, has to run weeks and weekends with the kids alone.
Therefore, a big public thank you to the best husband in the world, the father of my three most wonderful children, and the love of my life.
As many of you know, I have the best husband in the world.
I am sitting at home, hibernating from some serious birch pollen counts, and he has packed up all three kids and gone off for a day trip to a lake. With kids that are 5, 4 and 1 years old, and without a car, this is no small task. And he does this frequently.
I of course manage this situation (more or less sane and exhausted) every afternoon, and also mornings before daycare and evenings whenever my husband has to travel for work (1-2 days a week). But I don't take it for granted that after a very strenuous week at work, he still makes sure that I have space and time to relax. We often meet moms at the playground on weekends who have spent the entire week with their kids, who tell us that their husbands need to rest...
The bigger picture is that we try, and I think have so far managed, to balance our roles well. (Honestly, I think I do much less at the moment, on all fronts.) We have so far alternated with our careers, which in practice means that every two years, one of us has shifted into a lower gear (part-time, study, etc.) in order to take care of the children and allow the other to work on a career (part-time career advancement doesn't work, in our opinion). We have only now, for the first time, reached a point where it doesn't appear to make sense (financially at least) to switch again - more on that later, though.
On a daily base, our life looks like two people juggling several balls - together. One makes breakfast while feeding the youngest, the other takes a shower and makes sure the older kids get ready. One does grocery shopping while the other plays with the kids, one cooks while the other cleans up with the kids, one plays with the kids while the other takes a 30-minute sanity rest (in bed, with the Economist!)...you get the picture.
I seriously don't know how I would manage such a juggling act alone. I can, for a few days, and frequently do whenever my husband has to travel for 2-3 days. But afterwards, it feels like I could sleep for 48 hours straight. I am in absolute awe whenever I think of single parents, or any (usually mom) parent who, for whatever reason, has to run weeks and weekends with the kids alone.
Therefore, a big public thank you to the best husband in the world, the father of my three most wonderful children, and the love of my life.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
La Femme Parisienne
I take it all back! Everything that I have written in my past posts. A woman can do it all - and look amazing while doing it. Voilá: la femme Parisienne.
Mothers working full time, dine in exquisite little corner restaurants, talking about culture and politics while sipping on a glass of wine and smoking a cigarette. And they look s-t-u-n-n-i-n-g.
So, it seems to be possible to have it all: work, marriage, friends, intellect, cultured interests, dining, kids, looks. The caveat: you not only have it all - you have to do it all. And any mother of one, two, three or more knows: it does not all work in a 24-hour day. Not without a full-time nanny, personal assistant shopper, cleaner, cook, hairdresser appointments - including manicure - every three days.
My theory: the kids come short. Because the to-do-list above may work if one doesn't have a strenuous, 80-hour-a-week job. But add in quality time with kids - or even basic survival and management time with them - it can't add up.
If anyone knows otherwise - and there are a lot of Paris experts among you - let me know. I wouldn't mind a bit of that Parisian magic....
Mothers working full time, dine in exquisite little corner restaurants, talking about culture and politics while sipping on a glass of wine and smoking a cigarette. And they look s-t-u-n-n-i-n-g.
So, it seems to be possible to have it all: work, marriage, friends, intellect, cultured interests, dining, kids, looks. The caveat: you not only have it all - you have to do it all. And any mother of one, two, three or more knows: it does not all work in a 24-hour day. Not without a full-time nanny, personal assistant shopper, cleaner, cook, hairdresser appointments - including manicure - every three days.
My theory: the kids come short. Because the to-do-list above may work if one doesn't have a strenuous, 80-hour-a-week job. But add in quality time with kids - or even basic survival and management time with them - it can't add up.
If anyone knows otherwise - and there are a lot of Paris experts among you - let me know. I wouldn't mind a bit of that Parisian magic....
Saturday, April 7, 2012
The US Election
My trip started with some unexpected toilet hugging, and a morning spent in bed. I feel much better now, and thanks to the support of grandparents, have had time to rest properly. I was reading this week's Economist, and came across the US column, Lexington, which this week is on the US election and women.
I would love to hear some views on the following quotes, in particular from my US friends, but from elsewhere as well, of course:
"In recent months newspapers have carried startling reports about Republican-governed states pushing women who seek early abortions to have a probe inserted into their vaginas, in order to provide an image of the unborn child, in the hope that the picture will change their minds."
"Might the politics of women change if more women were in politics?...Women who stand for election do just as well as their male counterparts...The problem..is that so few choose to run...Reasons..range from the psychological (women are more risk-averse, less competitive and less likely than men to believe that they are qualified) to the economic: women in America still do most of the child care and household work."
"Two women who are not running for elected office will nonetheless play a big part in the forthcoming election: Ann Romney..and Michelle Obama... It is perhaps a pity, and certainly an irony, that in an election where women's issues have become so prominent the leading female roles will go to loyal wives who are not on the ballot themselves."
I would love to hear some views on the following quotes, in particular from my US friends, but from elsewhere as well, of course:
"In recent months newspapers have carried startling reports about Republican-governed states pushing women who seek early abortions to have a probe inserted into their vaginas, in order to provide an image of the unborn child, in the hope that the picture will change their minds."
"Might the politics of women change if more women were in politics?...Women who stand for election do just as well as their male counterparts...The problem..is that so few choose to run...Reasons..range from the psychological (women are more risk-averse, less competitive and less likely than men to believe that they are qualified) to the economic: women in America still do most of the child care and household work."
"Two women who are not running for elected office will nonetheless play a big part in the forthcoming election: Ann Romney..and Michelle Obama... It is perhaps a pity, and certainly an irony, that in an election where women's issues have become so prominent the leading female roles will go to loyal wives who are not on the ballot themselves."
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Easter Bunny Mommy
This is my last blog before a week of well-deserved Easter break. I haven't been on a trip without having to work (taking advantage of full time childcare by grandparents and my husband) since, well, since I started working again after my short maternity break. I've been a project break for a month now, but running the routines at home, and taking care of everything that doesnt fit into a working mom's schedule (dentists visits etc) doesnt quite feel like vacation, as any mother knows.
My kids still believe in Easter bunny, which is sweet, but also means that the Easter bunny mommy is needed. I havent done anything close to as beautiful, delicious or creative as my own mother would do, but thankfully, I appreciate her skills, but am fully aware they need not be mine. Instead, after some egg hunt, easter fires (a tradition in Germany that is similiar to mid summer festivities up North), and a little glass of bubbly to celebrate the end of our 40-day fast (without alcohol), we are headed to Paris. Cant wait!
Happy Easter!
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